Your Damaged Horoscopes, Reduced for Quick Sale
The stars regret to inform you that this week’s forecast was damaged during routine celestial handling. According to the Department of Astrological Maintenance, predictions were… Read More
The stars regret to inform you that this week’s forecast was damaged during routine celestial handling. According to the Department of Astrological Maintenance, predictions were… Read More
A moment of silence for the lunch you thought was waiting for you. The rice was innocent, which somehow made it worse.
Few disappointments rival the letdown of Leftovers Surprise Day, observed by people who have ever opened the refrigerator expecting to see a righteous snack and… Read More
Dead Houseplant Amnesty Day is marked by small, private rituals: the removal of desiccated stalks from their pots, a moment of silence for the succulent… Read More
The universe runs out of Tuesday afternoon, forcing helpless citizens to sing for their financial survival to an upside-down man.
A computational error within the Department of Linear Duration caused the universe to run out of time between two o’clock and four o’clock on Tuesday… Read More
A growing number of Chester county residents report that their 911 calls have been routed to the county’s newly established improvisation department, an experimental unit… Read More
The Brandywine Regional Medical Center has launched its new Expressive Emergency Room, a program requiring all incoming ER patients to describe their symptoms using metaphors,… Read More
I’m three weeks into the Donaldson-Pruitt wedding planner group chat, and I’m feeling like part of the family by now. Nobody has discovered that an… Read More
"After months of care, dedication, and accidental watering, the plant was finally somebody else's problem."
The stars would like to remind you to take pride in yourself this week because everyone has something to be proud of. Perhaps you completed… Read More