postcards from the pug bus

postcards from the pug bus

lifting a leg on popular culture since 2004

Flash Fiction

Microsoft Issues Patches to Sluggish Windows 11 Users

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young woman wearing headphones sitting at a comp0uter

Microsoft has responded to complaints from Windows 11 users who reported feeling sluggish after installing recommended system upgrades. Yesterday Microsoft released the first of six patches that will be distributed free to certified Windows 11 users by Microsoft-validated physicians who display the trusted “Windows 11 Capable” shield in their offices.

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I’m Not Religious, but I Am Spiritual

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If ever you hear someone make this claim, change the subject fast; otherwise you’ll be sorry to learn that “spiritual” folks believe in some batshit notions–crystals, astrology, sweat lodges, yoga, Ouija boards, Tarot cards, the I Ching–that make the notion of Jesus walking on water seem downright plausible. Amen.

Talking in the Present Tense

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A concussion leaves Guido unable to speak in the past tense. One day a sinister-looking man in a pizzeria hears him say, “I get the stromboli when I’m here last week.” The man, a local mobster, thinks Guido is in witness protection. When Guido leaves the store, the man follows.

Five Best AI-generated Breakup Lines

philmaggitti

“Your face is like the blue screen of death.” “Sorry. I’ve encountered a fatal exception in my heart. You.” “We are an outdated operating system, incompatible with the future.” “You are the malware that corrupts my operating system.” “As of today your program is no longer eligible for tech support.”