Few activities enrage feminists more than side-saddle riding. We’re talking horses, now, not some perverse spin on scissoring. Feminists of every sort—classic, non-binary, echo [sic], inter sectional, intercollegiate, separatist, and beard wearing—lose their shit at the sight of a female sitting side saddle on a horse, even though The Spectator has declared it “practical, fashionable … and sexy.” If you’re riding side saddle, you are all Charlie Hebdo in feminists’ eyes.
“I’d always thought that a side-saddle was an instrument of subjugation [like] the chastity belt,” said The Spectator. “That’s got it precisely upside-down. The invention of the two-pommel side-saddle in the 1830s was a liberation: at last a woman could take control of her horse and gallop and jump with the best. Queen Victoria was nuts for it when she was young; so was Florence Nightingale. This was freedom.” (FYFI, the side saddle predates feminism, whose first wave occurred from 1848-1920.)
Downton Abbey, set in the early 20th century, is loathed by feminists for its side-saddle riders with sweeping habits and gorgeous turnouts. Nevertheless, the show and the “Downton effect” are credited with spurring the current revival of side-saddle riding, a revival led, ironically, by women.
Angelina Jolie, an ifeminist, rode a handsome black horse side saddle in Lara Croft Tomb Raider: The Cradle of Life, which was enough to set other feminists’ armpit hair on fire.
If you’re ready for the money shot, here it is: There’s no need to confront an actual feminist in the flesh(iness) in order to Observe National Side Saddle Day. In the spirit of armchair activism, you could watch Downton or Tomb Raider or Lucille Désirée Ball riding saddle in Mame.
Should you be inspired to make a donation to the cause, you could purchase All about Riding Side Saddle: An Allen Photographic Guide from Alibris. Read it if you like, but be sure to be reading it in Starbucks, Panera, and other places where feminists have been know to congregate.
Next Ellen: Can you lose your cherry by riding side saddle?
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