PHOENIX, Ariz. – Phoenix Coyotes coach Wayne Gretzky and his actress wife, Janet Jones, won’t permit a little bad press regarding their gambling habits to dampen their trademark sense of humor. They have decided to “damn the hockey pucks” and to honor a commitment they made to US Weekly last year to handicap the 2006 Oscar race.
The Gretzkys, who are routinely voted among Arizona Highways “most fun couples,” agreed to reveal their Oscar picks to US Weekly‘s publisher, Jann Wenner. The interview was originally scheduled to take place at Bono’s Mexican villa, which Mr. Wenner uses for romantic assignations; but Mr. Gretzky’s lawyer cautioned him to distance himself from his wife, who is alleged to have wagered more than $500,000 on football games and weather forecasts during a five-week period recently. Therefore, Mr. Wenner conducted separate interviews via e-mails.
In this first installment of Wayne and Janet Handicap the Oscars, the Gretzkys pick their favorites in the best actor category.
WAYNE: Even though Capote isn’t my kind of movie, I’ve got to go with Philip Seymour Hoffman, the 5-2 favorite, on the basis of past performance. He’s won several prep races—
the Golden Globes and the Screen Actors Guild—and I think he’ll dominate in the stretch, if you’ll pardon the expression, even if Heath Ledger (4-1, Brokeback Mountain) gets off quicker.
As for the other entries, Joaquin Phoenix (6-1, Walk the Line) won’t be walking anywhere unless he’s stopped for a sobriety check on his way home from the after parties. David Strathairn (11-1, Good Night, and Good Luck) will need more than luck before Jon Stewart says good-night to the Oscars audience; and Terrence Howard (15-1, Hustle & Flow) is a real dark horse in this one.
Besides picking Hoffman to win, I’d like Hoffman, Ledger, and Strathairn in the trifecta.
JANET: You are so predictable, slap shot, always jumping on the chalk. I think Heath Ledger is going to nip Hoffman at the wire. In fact, Heath can nip me anyplace he likes. He can put his saddle in my barn whenever he’s in town. For show money I like Terrence Howard. He showed me something in Hustle & Flow, and I’ve got something I’d like to show him, especially now that you’re distancing yourself from me.
As for the also rans, who cares? Joaquin Phoenix was more appealing when he was playing a fag in Gladiator; and that Strathairn guy looks like somebody’s spooky bachelor uncle.
For my trifecta I like Heath Ledger, Terrence Stamp, and Joaquin Phoenix. I’ll take them in any order, or all at once. Giddy-up!
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