CHICAGO—Born That Way, a militant, self-described “queer rights” group, condemned the recent engagement of two fellows named Michael and Jake at halftime of a Chicago Bulls home game. The stunt went down a treat with members of the OMG fainting-couch community.
“The NBA’s First In-Game Gay Marriage Proposal Has Us Actually Crying It’s So Sweet,” simpered Jamie Cuccinelli on brides.com. As wet as this fellow sounds, we’d hate to be his keyboard.
Other breathless writers splashed around words like adorable, sweet, and cute, sounding wetter than a willing virgin on prom night. It was all too wonderful for words, except for words like top or bottom, pitcher or catcher.
Born That Way didn’t think so. “Those Nancy boys give faggotry a bad name,” said Lance Freelove, the group’s HMFIC. “No self-respecting twinkie gives a fist fuck about sports. A real gay man would have gotten engaged on QVC, a Cher Concert, a fucking casino, or a rest room on the New Jersey turnpike.”
Next on Ellen: Lesbian confesses that she hasn’t been able to look at her dental dam since the election.
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