LAS VEGAS – A large number of suspicious wagers placed on Sportsbook.com have revealed that Time magazine’s editors have selected King Kong as the news weekly’s person of the year.
Time‘s choice was made public after “suspicious betting activity” led the proprietors of Sportsbook.com, the online wager house, to shut down betting on who or what would be the magazine’s cover subject.
“When all of a sudden the action on King Kong dwarfed the amount wagered on the other person-of-the-year candidates, we knew something huge was up,” said a Sportsbook.com executive who preferred to hedge his bets, namewise.
Investigation by Sportsbook.com’s Cyber Police revealed that virtually all the bets on King Kong had been placed through accounts tied to a PR firm that represents Time Warner, publisher of Time and Warner magazines. (In a related investigation, Sports Illustrated‘s sportsperson of the year was correctly identified as New England Patriots quarterback Tom Brady on the basis of suspect betting.)
Editors at Time did not return phone calls or e-mails, so there is no official confirmation or denial regarding the identity of the magazine’s person of the year; nor, of course, is there any clue regarding the thinking of the selection committee. Until the person-of-the-year issue is published on December 18, we are left to wonder about this choice.
Was King Kong chosen as a symbol of mankind’s inhumanity to all living creatures? Did Kong’s selection reflect Time‘s disgust with the antlike moral and intellectual stature of the snotwads who pass for movers and shakers in this postmodern, deconstructed era? Does Kong represent the last revolt of the increasingly impotent American male who needs to take Cialis just to get out of bed in the morning? Or is Kong, as some conservative Christians have suggested, a metaphor of the rejection of Jesus Christ by a godless, degenerate people? Only Time will tell.
“What we do know for now,” said the Sportsbook.com executive, “is that before bettors went ape over Kong, the early money had been pretty much evenly divided among Hurricane Katrina, Terri Schiavo, the Runaway Bride, Oprah, the paparazzi, J-Lo’s butt (a perennial contender), and Scientology.”
Next Oprah: Was the Person-of-the-Year Voting Racist?
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