HOLLYWOOD – Celebrity daughter Kimberly Stewart has ended her eleven-day engagement to Laguna Beach star Talan Torriero. The announcement, which came just hours after Stewart had learned Torriero’s last name, stunned friends of the couple.
“She told me she thought Talan’s last name was ‘Guy,'” said Stewart’s close friend Paris Hilton. “Everybody always calls him “that Laguna Beach guy” because “Torriero” is hard to say when you’ve been drinking. Kimberly said she just couldn’t feel comfortable with someone who uses an alias.”
The twenty-six-year-old Stewart and the nineteen-year-old Torriero became engaged on November 16, four weeks after they had started dating. Torriero presented Stewart with a five-carat, $300,000 Neil Lane ring at an XBox 360 party held at a private home in Beverly Hills.
“Kimberly is the best thing that has ever happened to me,” Torriero told Star magazine at the time. “She’s amazing and has helped me mature. She keeps me grounded.”
Stewart’s publicist, Elliot Mintz, attempted to put a positive spin on the short-lived engagement.
“Kimberly thought Talan was giving her a ring to commemorate the anniversary of their car crash,” said Mintz, who noted that one week earlier Stewart and Torriero were in the backseat of a car being driven by Paris Hilton’s boyfriend Stavros Niarchos when it was rear ended by a drunken Tara Reid. Niarchos, who had a jacket over his head at the time, was engaged in a sex act with Hilton.
“When Kimberly realized several days later that it was an engagement ring, she freaked,” said Mintz. “At the end of the day, it’s better to have a brief engagement than a short marriage.”
“Short hell,” said Stewart’s father, Rod Stewart, a once promising disco singer now working as a lounge act. “I’ve had relationships that didn’t last eleven days.”
The engagement to Torriero was the second one Kimberly Stewart called off this year. In May she ended her long-term romance with Cisco Adler, a singer with Whitestarr, when she discovered that Whitestarr was Pauly Shore’s favorite band. Coincidentally, Adler, twenty-six, is rumored to have become engaged over the weekend to Mischa Barton, nineteen, whose right breast made its television debut on the Fox Network’s OC recently.
Next Oprah: California Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger Pardons Paula Abdul
© The fine fucking print: The editorial content on this page is fictional. It is presented for satirical and/or entertainment purposes only. We cannot be held responsible for the actions of anyone who takes this sort of shit seriously. We also do not wish to be held responsible for any copyrighted material that sneaked onto this page when we weren’t looking. If you can prove that anything on this page belongs rightfully to you, we will happily take it down and return the unused portion. No questions asked.