MALIBU and WASHINGTON, D.C. – Determined to take control of their images, Britney Spears and President George W. Bush have fired two of their most trusted associates. Ms. Spears terminated her long-time press representative, Leslie Sloane-Zelnick, over the weekend, while Mr. Bush fired his unofficial biographer, Bob Woodward.
Ms. Spears’ decision reflects her determination to have “more of a hands-on involvement” with the management side of her career.
“I ain’t that interested in the quote-unquote creative side no more,” said Ms. Spears in a statement issued by her newly formed public relations company, SP Productions.
“Been there. Done that. Spilled Cheez Whiz on the T-shirt. I’d much rather stay home and make babies. Doing my own publicity allows me to do that and still support my family.”
Ms. Spears’ first official coup as her own publicist was “the seven-finger sum” she negotiated with People magazine for pictures of her latest son, Sutton Pierce; but the singer claims that she, not Ms. Sloane-Zelnick, has been calling the publicity shots for some time now.
“I done my own makeup for when I was on the Today show,” said Mrs. Spears. “It was also my idea to dress my son SP#1 in that cute baseball cap. I never would have been chosen the new Face of Wal-Mart if I hadn’t done what I wanted to do instead of taking out my chewing gum like I was told to do.”
In related news, President George W. Bush denies being in state of denial over Iraq.
“I ain’t read State of Denial yet,” said Mr. Bush, “I’ve still got more Camus to get through; but I know what I know and I know I’m not in denial.”
The president accused State of Denial‘s author, Bob Woodward, whom Mr.Bush had taken to calling “my unofficial biographer,” of trying “to covet favor” with liberals.
“After he wrote them two honest books about me (Bush at War and Plan of Attack), Mr. Woodward got so much hate mail from liberals that he had to make up lies in order to get back in their good graces. The best way to do that was by writing a book that sends the wrong message to terrorists.”
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