BOSTON – Public opinion researchers at Harvard and MIT have confirmed a rumor that a Jennifer Aniston backlash is building across the United States. The first hint of the backlash appeared in The Chronicle of Higher Education on December 2.
“What recently divorced actress is in danger of becoming so last year as a result of overexposure in 2005?” asked Felicia Johnson, Ph.D, editor of The Chronicle Review, the magazine section of The Chronicle.
Intrigued by Johnson’s question, public opinion researchers at Harvard and MIT conducted a telephone poll of 1,452 faculty members of U.S. colleges and universities from December 12 through 16. According to the poll, which has a 3.143-percent margin of error, Aniston was named by an overwhelming majority of respondents as the star most likely to be eclipsed by her own popularity.
“I know I’m tired of hearing about her,” said J. Randall Edwards, M.A., “and from what I can tell, students are way past being interested in her, too.”
Edwards, an adjunct professor of popular media studies at the University of North Dakota in Grand Forks, said the near saturation coverage of Aniston was “too much of a mediocre thing.”
That assessment was the prevailing opinion regarding Aniston’s acting ability.
“If she was still married to Brad Pitt, she wouldn’t have received one tenth the coverage she did this year,” said Gloria Pietro, Ph.D., dean of women’s studies at the University of the Pacific in San Francisco.
“She owes her popularity not to her talent but to the fact that she was dumped for Angelina Jolie, the human equivalent of a black widow spider,” added Pietro. “Jennifer’s big change-of-face vehicle, Derailed, did squat at the box-office and was, according to Variety, one of the worst reviewed movies of 2005. Yet every time she breaks wind she makes news. Getting divorced was a great career move.”
In addition to citing Aniston’s “quietly understated mediocrity” as one cause of the perceived backlash against her, many academics pointed to her “self-serving, maudlin interviews” in Vanity Fair, GQ, and other publications.
“Underneath that Mona Lisa facade she was more whiney than a screw top Merlot,” said Brian Persudzky, Ph.D., professor of computer science at Georgia Tech. “She thinks Brad Pitt is missing a sensitivity chip? She appears to be missing an intelligence chip, not to mention a spam filter.”
Aniston also managed to offend Christian educators with her “curious penchant” for being photographed topless.
“Whether it’s on the cover of pornographic magazines like GQ, in her backyard, or on a ‘private’ beach, Ms. Aniston doesn’t appear to be shy about using her body to advance her career,” said Imogene Walters, B.S., assistant professor of family studies at Bob Jones University.
“Then she adds insult to indecent exposure by suing the photographers she lured with her exposed flesh. That’s like a fisherman suing a fish for ruining his bait.”
In related news, Rumor Has It, which opens in theaters this weekend, may do little to turn the tide in Jennifer Aniston’s favor. The movie, which also stars Kevin Costner, Shirley MacLaine, Kathy Bates, Mark Ruffalo, and Mena Suvari, is gathering headlines such as, “Rumor Has It this one’s a real stinker.”
The worst part of Rumor Has It wrote one reviewer, “. . . is the way Aniston is shot, as if the whole movie were all about her pert little body. It’s actually creepy to watch, as if the director were stalking her with the camera.”
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