WEST CHESTER, Penna. – A satirical “news” report about Britney Spears’ plan to move to Namibia that appeared on this website yesterday has been corroborated by China Daily, proving once again that fiction is sometimes no stranger than truth.
According to the satirical report, which turned out to be true after all, Ms. Spears revealed her intention to NBC’s Matt Lauer during a wide-ranging interview that will air on the Today show tomorrow and on Dateline Friday.
Biff Scuzzy, who made up the original report about Ms. Spears moving to Namibia, said he almost [crapped] himself when he saw his headline “Britney Spears Going to Namibia to Give Birth” with a China Daily byline on a popular news index site.
“I was drunk on my ass when I wrote that thing,” said Mr. Scuzzy. “How could I know I was telling the truth? I would have sworn I was making that nonsense up. I guess it’s true what they say about giving enough monkeys enough typewriters.”
In Mr. Scuzzy’s report, for which Postcards from the Pug Bus was given credit as “pugbus.com” by China Daily, Ms. Spears denied rumors that she had banished her husband of twenty-one months, Kevin Federline, to their basement. She also said repeatedly that she is a “good mom,” despite the fact that she was photographed driving her SUV with her son, Sean Preston, sitting on her lap.
“I did it with my dad,” said Ms. Spears. “I’d sit on his lap and I’d drive. We’re country.”
For some reason, perhaps he was having a Tom Cruise flashback, Mr. Lauer neglected to mention that at the time the incident had occurred, last February, Ms. Spears had said her son was on her lap because she was trying to escape the paparazzi and didn’t have time to buckle him in his seat.
Mr. Lauer did ask Ms. Spears why she had chosen Namibia for the birth of her child.
“Kevin has always been a fan of African-American culture,” she replied. “I’m sure he’ll feel at home there, rapping with all the natives. I just wish he hadn’t cut his cornrows.”
Ms. Spears also said that Namibia reminds her of California “because it’s on the ocean and there’s lots of sand. So if Sean Preston fell off his swing and landed on his head, there’s less chance he would be hurt and we’d have those snoops from child welfare up our butts all the time. Besides, there’s lots of quiet unpaved roads where Sean Preston and I can go driving.”
Finally, said Ms. Spears, “I heard that Namibia has laws that let celebrities say whether or not journalists are allowed in the country. That’s so important, even more important than getting the same villa that Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt had.”
© The fine fucking print: The editorial content on this page is fictional. It is presented for satirical and/or entertainment purposes only. We cannot be held responsible for the actions of anyone who takes this sort of shit seriously. We also do not wish to be held responsible for any copyrighted material that sneaked onto this page when we weren’t looking. If you can prove that anything on this page belongs rightfully to you, we will happily take it down and return the unused portion. No questions asked.
