HOLLYWOOD – Lindsay Lohan as Wonder Woman; Sasha Cohen as an actress; Reese Witherspoon as all three of Buck Owens’ wives in Hee Haw the Line. It could happen, and don’t say we didn’t warn you if it does. Ms. Lohan wants to show her acting range; Ms. Cohen wants a career where makeovers are allowed; and Ms. Witherspoon wants another statue.
Lindsay Lohan, 19, is telling friends, acquaintances, and drinking buddies that she’s desperate to play Wonder Woman because she’s tired of catering to a pre-teen female audience. Landing the role of Wonder Woman, Ms. Lohan believes, would allow her “to stretch” as an actress.
“Appealing to a pre-teen male audience would be a stretch in the right direction,” said Ms. Lohan, who is so keen on landing this role she’s changed the spelling of her first name to “Lyndsay.”
Sasha Cohen, having perfected the art of transmuting gold into baser medals, is ready to take her act to Hollywood. Ms. Cohen, who snatched defeat from the jaws of victory once again, this time at the world figure skating championships, wants to be remembered for more than her failures at skating.
“I love what I do, but figure skating is not quite what it used to be,” said Ms. Cohen, 21. “It’s a little bit disheartening to skate in front of half-empty arenas. I’m a performer, and it’s tough.”
Apparently Ms. Cohen would sooner appear in films that play to half-empty theaters. She has reportedly talked to actor Ben Stiller about a figure skating movie he’s set to produce—a movie about a figure skater who collapses under pressure and decides to become an actress.
Reese Witherspoon was reportedly “infuriated” when she saw the CNN.com headline “Hee Haw Star Buck Owens Dies.”
“It made me mad,” said Ms. Witherspoon. “Buck Owens was the most important country music performer ever. He influenced the Beatles, especially Ringo. He even influenced me when I was a little girl growing up in Tennessee. That CNN headline should have read, ‘Music Legend Buck Owens Dies.'”
Ms. Witherspoon, 30, said that although June Carter Cash was a strong woman, “she never had to get by without Johnny. Buck Owen’s three wives did. They took it on the chin and survived. I’d like to play them all and bring their stories to a wider audience.”
In other news, Angela Lansbury, 80, says she can dance again after having knee-replacement surgery. It remains to be seen, however, if her audience can sit comfortably after hip replacement surgery.
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