WEST CHESTER, Penna. – Angelina Jolie’s shocking admission that Robert DeNiro is the biological father of her “adopted” son, Maddox, tops the First Annual Pug Bus New Year Predictions.
“Why do you think she inflicted that godawful mohawk on the kid?” asked the Pug Bus’ resident seer, Pugnacious. “She wants him to look like a miniature version of Travis Bickle, the whack job DeNiro played in the 1976 classic Taxi Driver.
“Rumor has it the first words the kid learned to speak were, ‘You lookin’ at me?’ I predict Angelina will come clean at the Valentine’s Day press conference announcing her engagement to Brad Pitt.”
In the small world department, Pitt is the subject of Pugnacious’ second New Year prediction: Brad Pitt Sued for $100 million by Jude Law.
According to Pugnacious, Pitt will fail to prevent the publication of photos taken of him while he was sunbathing nude on the balcony of his Los Angeles house recently.
“He has good reason to want to keep those pictures under wraps,” laughed Pugnacious, “and he wouldn’t have need a very long wrap to do it. In his eagerness to squelch rumors that he is not a B-list attraction underneath it all, Pitt will blurt out on The Larry King Show, ‘It’s not like I’m Jude Law or something.’ His remark, though technically accurate, will trigger an instant Lawsuit.”
Pugnacious also predicts that in 2006 Nicole Richie will snap two vertebrae in her neck when she puts on a necklace while dressing for the Razzies. Her former best friend, Paris Hilton, upon hearing the news will observe, “I guess that proves it is possible to be too thin and too Richie.”
In other predictions: Kevin Federline will be hailed as the New Tommy Lee after K-Fed’s sex tape, “Here’s the Truth,” co-starring Britney Spears, previews at Sundance in the celebrity home cinema category. George W. Bush will resign after failing to have the Iraqi election results re-tabulated in Florida.
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