SAN FRANCISCO, Ca.–As the tech world holds its breath waiting for Apple’s Christmas-in-September party today, rumors are swirling that the Cupertino giant has a major surprise up its sleeve—or up its ass, to be more precise.
“The iButt, a combination thumb drive and butt plug, will be rolled out today,” said an inside source at Apple. “Expect (Apple CEO) Tim Cook to be wearing one at today’s presentation.”
In the event that butt plugs aren’t the in things among your circle of friends, said devices are designed to be inserted into the rectum for the purpose of providing sexual pleasure—a service they have been rendering since their invention in 1892. Leave it to Apple, however, after reinventing the phone and the portable music player, to see the light at the end of the tunnel beyond the butt plug’s heretofore limited use.
According to the source at Apple, the iButt will be able to store up to 128 gigs of data and to sync via bluetooth with any Apple device, providing unmatched security and portability, not to mention the aforementioned pleasure. It will be available in several colors, but only one flavor. The MSPR is “in the neighborhood of $75.”
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