postcards from the pug bus

postcards from the pug bus

lifting a leg on popular culture since 2004

Author: Biff Scuzzy

Celebrities

Lindsay Lohan, Jessica Simpson to Star in Vagina Dialogues

Biff Scuzzy 397 Views 3 min read

HOLLYWOOD – Hoping to establish themselves as mature actresses and to patch up their friendship, Lindsay Lohan and Jessica Simpson have agreed to appear in The Vagina Dialogues. The new, two-woman play by Harvard dropout Kaavya Viswanathan is scheduled to open on Broadway next summer. The Vagina Dialogues tells the story of

Celebrities

George Clooney Has Penis Envy Says Dr. Phil

Biff Scuzzy 381 Views 3 min read

WEST CHESTER, Penna. – Once again George Clooney is whining about all the attention he gets from paparazzi, and once again he’s mad as hell and he’s not going to take it anymore. Boy George told Vanity Fair in his usual self-important way that he has developed a “theory on debunking photographs

Religion

God Denies Role in Anna Nicole Smith Commitment Ceremony

Biff Scuzzy 387 Views 2 min read

NASSAU, Bahamas – The Lord God Almighty denied playing any role in the recent commitment ceremony between former stripper Anna Nicole Smith and her boyfriend-attorney, Howard K. Stern. The ceremony—which took place “before God,” according to a statement issued by TrimSpa, the dietary supplement endorsed by Ms. Smith—was held onboard

Culture

Jackass: Number 2 Sparks Muslim Leader’s Outrage

Biff Scuzzy 392 Views 2 min read

WEST CHESTER, Penna. – After viewing Jackass: Number Two, the chief cleric of the Mosque of the Sacred Jihad called on Muslims in West Chester and around the world to bring down “the all-consuming wrath of Allah upon those who support this unspeakably perverted Western, homoerotic filth.” Quoting liberally from the

Music

Whitney Houston Tired of Being Bobby Brown’s Meal Ticket

Biff Scuzzy 371 Views 3 min read

ATLANTA, Georgia – Crack-addled, damn-near-toothless Whitney Houston has filed for divorce from her free-loading, booty-chasing, boorish lout of a husband, Bobby Brown. A publicist for Ms. Houston, address unknown, declined to reveal where or when she had filed the divorce papers, and said the singer had no statement to make,

Celebrities

Britney Spears New Son Revives Spay Campaign

Biff Scuzzy 426 Views 2 min read

WEST CHESTER, Penna. – The campaign to spay Britney Spears, launched in May by Postcards from the Pug Bus, southeastern Pennsylvania’s leading celebrity satire website, was given renewed life yesterday when Ms. Spears delivered her second son. “This is the leg up our campaign needs,” said Phil Maggitti, editor in

News

Crocodile Hunter Steve Irwin Rumors Flood Internet

Biff Scuzzy 402 Views 3 min read

CAIRNS, Australia – The recent death of Crocodile Hunter Steve Irwin has occasioned a flood of rumors the likes of which have not been seen on the Internet since the death of Princess Diana, an event to which the passing of Mr. Irwin has been likened. Not even tales of

Politics

President Bush Says Troop Callup Not Backdoor Draft

Biff Scuzzy 404 Views 3 min read

WASHINGTON, D.C. – President George W. Bush told reporters yesterday that his plans to call up selected units of the Salvation Army in order to boost troop levels in Iraq and Afghanistan did not amount to a backdoor draft. In response to a question from CNN’s Wolf Blitzer, the president

Politics

Bush Declares Victory Over Saddam Hussein’s Hunger Strike

Biff Scuzzy 350 Views 2 min read

WASHINGTON, D.C. – Following a visit to church yesterday, President Bush declared victory over Saddam Hussein’s seventeen-day hunger strike. The determined-looking president said that Mr. Hussein had been made to realize “he is no longer a ruthless, bloodthirsty dictator who can withhold food from himself or his people on a

Celebrities

Jessica Simpson Launches Book-of-the-Year Club

Biff Scuzzy 378 Views 2 min read

LOS ANGELES – Jessica Simpson believes Oprah’s Book Club puts too much pressure on its members. In a recent Maxim interview Ms. Simpson declared, “People who lead active lives don’t have time to read a book every month. What with going to the gym and the tanning salon, getting manicures, pedicures, and

Sporting Life

Wie Woeful but Still Confident in John Deere

Biff Scuzzy 392 Views 3 min read

SILVIS, Ill. – Once again Michelle Wie failed in her quest to become the first woman golfer since 1945 to use the men’s shower facilities at a PGA event. Her failure left many Wie watchers disappointed. They believed the John Deere was her best chance of lathering up with the

Celebrities

Charlie Sheen’s Top Ten Signs You Ate Magic Mushroooms

Biff Scuzzy 362 Views 2 min read

LOS ANGELES – Charlie Sheen has voiced a cautionary note about the use of magic mushrooms to combat depression, anxiety, and drug dependence. In spite of positive reports from Johns Hopkins researchers about the potential of mushrooms to effect long-lasting, positive changes in mood and behavior, Mr. Sheen warns against

Culture

JonBenet Ramsey Death a Suicide, Said Late Mother

Biff Scuzzy 421 Views 3 min read

MARIETTA, Ga. – The death of former beauty queen JonBenet Ramsey has been called a suicide by her mother, Patsy, who died of ovarian cancer Saturday at the age of forty-nine. The stunning revelation came in a certified letter, which was accompanied by JonBenet’s alleged suicide note. Patsy Ramsey had