Author: Chip Hilton

LOS ANGELES – Jennifer Lopez claims she is tired of being stalked by “animal rights whack jobs at PETA” (People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals). The star of song, screen, and fashion told reporters yesterday that she has agreed to appear naked in a pro-fur ad sponsored by the

NEW YORK – Former Friends star Jennifer Aniston was named as “the principal contributing factor” in a divorce suit filed by Mrs. Coffee, wife of the popular coffee-making icon. The Coffees’ were married in 1973, the year Mr. Coffee skyrocketed to fame in the United States. Their marriage survived other disturbances, most

MALIBU – After months of speculation, fat jokes, separation rumors, and bad hair days, pop star Britney Spears finally broke down yesterday. Friends and famliy members say it’s a wonder she didn’t break down sooner. “She’s been driving herself too hard, trying to be mother, bread winner, and baby-sitter to

HOLLYWOOD – Spokespersons for Paris Hilton claim that the controversial celebutant will be “wholly and entirely exonerated” of allegations that she was drunk when she urinated in a taxi cab during a recent vacation on Maui. According to Ms. Hilton’s publicists, the towel a cab driver says he used to

LOS ANGELES – Colin Farrell’s latest attempt to stop the world from seeing the sex video he made with his former girlfriend Nicole Narain two years ago has people wondering what he’s trying to hide. Last summer Farrell obtained a court order preventing Narain from selling the video. Nevertheless copies

WEST CHESTER, Penna. – Angelina Jolie’s shocking admission that Robert DeNiro is the biological father of her “adopted” son, Maddox, tops the First Annual Pug Bus New Year Predictions. “Why do you think she inflicted that godawful mohawk on the kid?” asked the Pug Bus’ resident seer, Pugnacious. “She wants

HOLLYWOOD – Cameron Diaz filed a multi-million-dollar lawsuit against the KFC corporation in Los Angeles superior court. The suit alleges that Diaz developed flulike symptoms after eating a three-piece, leg-and-thigh, extra-crispy dinner earlier this month. Also named in the suit is the KFC outlet on Rodeo Drive, where Diaz purchased

BOSTON – Public opinion researchers at Harvard and MIT have confirmed a rumor that a Jennifer Aniston backlash is building across the United States. The first hint of the backlash appeared in The Chronicle of Higher Education on December 2. “What recently divorced actress is in danger of becoming so last year

LONDON – Marriage has not mellowed Sir Elton John, who exchanged vows with his longtime lover, David Furnish, today. At his pre-wedding hen party Monday night, John, 58, called Madonna “a miserable cow” for not attending the cabaret-style bash. “She was probably too busy practicing her phony British accent,” said

NEW YORK – What does an older man buy his trophy wife for her birthday? A gasoline-powered Audi Cabrio ride-on car, a giant piano, and a fifty-inch-high rocking horse from the FAO Schwarz toy store. Last Thursday, following a gala dinner at Chuck E. Cheese pizza, Tom Cruise took Katie

HOLLYWOOD – Tom Cruise, who reportedly turned down the role of Jack Twist in Brokeback Mountain, is quietly angling to play Twist’s gay ranch cook in a prequel to Brokeback Mountain called Out Behind the Mountain. According to Hollywood insiders, Cruise turned down the role of Twist, which eventually went to Jake Gyllenhaal, because

LOS ANGELES – Jennifer Aniston is being sued by photographer Peter Brandt, who charges that Aniston “wantonly exposed her breasts” in her backyard, thereby interfering with his ability to earn a living. According to an attractive nuisance suit filed by Brandt’s attorney in Los Angeles, the incident occurred three weeks

PHOENIX, Ariz. – Brad Pitt has filed a legal petition in Los Angeles seeking to change the names of Angelina Jolie’s children to Zahara Brangelina and Maddox Brangelina. His decision was met with scorn from his ex-wife, Jennifer Aniston. The Friends star declared that Pitt was “too lazy and too [hen-pecked]” to