Author: Chip Hilton

WEST CHESTER, Penna. – “Being Bobby Brown Houston,” which premiers tonight on the Bravo channel, is a bold, unsparing attempt to deconstruct the myth of celebrity; and judging from the back-to-back episodes, sandwiched proudly like a pair of silicon-augmented breasts between 10:00 and 11:00 this evening, the effort is a

LOS ANGELES – American Idol judge Paula Abdul has agreed to co-host the Live 8 broadcast from Philadelphia this weekend. Although Abdul had originally declined to participate in Live 8 because of “a pre-existing vacation commitment,” the former dancer decided to get involved when she learned that nail salons in

CARDIFF – Charlotte Church, Wales’ answer to Courtney Love, earned $27 million as a child prodigy singing operatic and classical tunes. Since getting her hands on that money when she turned eighteen last year, Church has spent roughly half of it on booze. The Voice of an Angel singer has

WASHINGTON, D.C. – The American Psychiatric Association (APA) announced today that Tom Cruise Syndrome—illustrated by a photo of Cruise dancing on Oprah Winfrey’s couch—will be added to the next edition of the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSMMD). This 943-page stroll through the back alleys, dead ends, and cul-de-sacs of

WASHINGTON – President George W. Bush has added his voice to the growing chorus demanding an investigation into the whereabouts of actress Katie Holmes. Like an increasing number of Americans, President Bush has come to doubt that the actress—or actresses—who have been joined at the hip with Tom Cruise at

L. RON HUBBARD’S HOUSE – Scientologist Tom Cruise issued a press release today denouncing an article in the journal Biology Letters for reporting that a woman’s ability to achieve an orgasm is more heavily influenced by her genetic makeup than by any other factor. Calling the article “pseudoscientific rubbish,” Cruise declared that

Stay tuned all you rubberneckers and doctoral candidates in celebrity meltdowns. The vanilla sky’s apparently the limit as Cruise ricochets across American promoting his summer release, War of the Worlds, which opens in theaters on June 29. While Cruise’s rapidly diminishing number of friends and fans were still asking “What’s gotten

NEW YORK – Brad Pitt, who suggests that the best way for men on the verge of divorce to maintain their privacy is by moving to a different hotel every few days, was in New York briefly over the weekend to announce that he is writing a self-help book for

WEST CHESTER, Penna. – Russell Crowe’s co-stars in the boxing movie “Cinderella Man” say the stench emitted by the actor was a major distraction during filming. Crowe, who plays heavyweight boxer Jim Braddock, went days without showering in order to recreate the essence of the man he was portraying. “Russell

OTTAWA – The infamous Britney Spears pregnancy test, on which she received a disappointing 6.7 for execution and a mere 7.5 for degree of difficulty, may be a fraud, says Canadian Surgeon General Gordon McCullough. Speaking last night on Canada’s popular news program The Mountie Hour, McCullough told the show’s host,