WEST CHESTER, Penna. – Postcards from the Pug Bus, southeastern Pennsylvania’s leading celebrity satire website, has called for a Britney Spears news blackout. Site founder and editor in briefs, Phil Maggitti, threw down the gauntlet yesterday afternoon, frightening his Boston terrier and nearly spilling a tall decaf latte in the process. “We haven’t written about Read More
NEWARK, N.J. – Tony Soprano was sighted late Tuesday night leaving Satin Dolls, the gentlemen’s club on Route 17 in Lodi, New Jersey, where scenes that took place at the Bada Bing strip joint in The Sopranos had been filmed. “He looked good, man,” said Mario Fenestra, who reported the sighting to the Newark Star Ledger, the newspaper Read More
WARMINSTER, Penna. – After being sent down by American Idol voters last night, Antonella Barba announced through her publicist that she would enter the Bucks County Hospital in Warminster, Pennsylvania, this weekend to begin treatment for an unspecified condition. Bloggers across the United States responded to this announcement wth a collective chubby, tripping all over their keyboards Read More
WASHINGTON, D.C. – Angelina Jolie has been tapped to replace Paul Wolfowitz as president of the World Bank. President Bush is expected to delay making the formal announcement until early next week, however, in order to give Mr. Wolfowitz time to gild his parachute, and Mr. Bush time to prepare for his Saturday Night Live appearance with Read More
LOS ANGELES – Paris Hilton has been sentenced to forty-five days in a county jail for violating the terms of her drunk-driving probation by operating a motor vehicle with a suspended license. The twenty-six-year-old celebutant, who showed up fifteen minutes late for her scheduled court appearance yesterday, has until June 5 to report to the Read More
NASHVILLE, Tenn. – Nicole Kidman has fitted her alcoholic husband Keith Urban with a microchip, hoping to accomplish with technology what she couldn’t accomplish with sex, mandatory rehab, or pregnancy threats. The device, a transponder actually, was implanted between Mr. Urban’s shoulder blades before he embarked on his O’Doul’s Amber Waves of Grain Tour last Read More
NEW YORK – Lindsay Lohan, once considered the potential number one pick in this year’s NFL draft, lingered on the board yesterday like a dingleberry on a donkey’s butt until she was finally selected by the Cleveland Browns with the twenty-second pick in the first round. Questions about Ms. Lohan’s work ethic, intelligence, and her Read More
NEW YORK – Rosie O’Donnell is giving her seat on The View to Don Imus as of June 1, a source close to the show said this morning. The move, which promises to be the most talked about development in television since the Katie Couric Photoshopped-image scandal, caught critics with their laptops down. “Nobody saw that one Read More
MALIBU – Britney Spears is broke. Months of non-stop drinking and shopping, coupled with binge eating, purging, and serious brown Persian heroin and cocaine abuse have depleted her resources; and now the former pop star, 25, has finally gone belly up, insiders say. “Britney just don’t work no more,” said Ms. Spears’ cousin Allie. “I Read More
LOS ANGELES – Former on-air personality Don Imus has been tipped to star with Tom Cruise in Talkback Mountain, the story of a radio talk show host of the same name who is run out of a small Western town after he mocks the sheriff’s handicapped daughter during a live remote from the town’s annual chili Read More
WASHINGTON, D.C. – Less than twenty-four hours after MSNBC had fired radio personality Don Imus for calling the Rutgers women’s basketball team “nappy-headed hos,” President Bush granted Mr. Imus an executive pardon. The text of President Bush’s pardon was read on the air by Mr. Imus at the conclusion of his fundraiser this morning. “I Read More
LOS ANGELES – Tom Cruise dismissed the global warming report issued by the United Nations as “a load of pseudo-scientific hooey” that offers “temporary bromides” instead of real solutions to the world’s temperature increases. Addressing a group of reporters at his son’s baseball game yesterday afternoon, Mr. Cruise demanded to know how many actually had Read More
NEW YORK – Rolling Stones rhythm guitarist Keith Richards angrily denied a report that he had snorted his late father’s ashes. During a chance meeting with Rolling Stone magazine’s AARP correspondent, Anthony D. Curtis, in the men’s room of a New York City nightclub, Mr. Richards called the report “a load of bollocks” and said was going Read More
NASSAU, Bahamas – Anna Nicole Smith’s daughter, Dannielynn, spoke her first word yesterday, and the news was not good for Howard K. Stern, Larry Birkhead, or Frederic Prince von Anhalt—all of whom claim to be her father. The word Dannielynn spoke was dada, and the person to whom she spoke it was Gareth Huffmann, a pool Read More
LOS ANGELES – Lindsay Lohan, like her favorite president, George W. Bush, is determined to stay the course. Although Britney Spears has moved on from flashing her bunny to attending church with a posse of armed thugs—and Paris Hilton is more worried about jail time than face time these days—Ms. Lohan is determined to rid Read More
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