Author: Chip Hilton

HOLLYWOOD – Lindsay Lohan has been accused of plagiarism by an eighth grade student in Omaha, Nebraska. The student, Shelly Atwater, is a member of Miss Leopold’s homeroom at John Glenn Middle School. Ms. Atwater claims that parts of her essay on educational values, which was posted on Myspace.com on

LOS ANGELES – A tearful Pamela Anderson wrote on her website yesterday that no matter how many times she married Kid Rock, he came up short in the end compared to Tommy Lee. “I began to have my suspicions after our first wedding, the one on the yacht off St

ROME – Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes will exchange mood rings during a Scientology wedding ceremony this weekend at Odescalchi Castle on Lake Bracciano, twenty miles from Rome. According to a source inside the wedding party, the couple will merge their immortal thetans “for all eternity and beyond” in an

PHILADELPHIA – Pitchman Bill Cosby quietly settled a class action suit with an unspecified number of women who had accused him of drugging and sexually assaulting them in his home outside Philadelphia, his lawyer revealed yesterday. Terms of the settlement were not revealed. Speaking on behalf of the contingent of

HOLLYWOOD – Renee Zellweger stunned Hollywood yesterday by announcing that her current project, the thriller Case 39, will be her last live-action film. In a statement released by her production company, the Bridget Jones star declared that in the future she will lend her talents only to animated features. Whether this will include

NEW YORK – Neil Patrick Harris let both Bruno Maglis drop in a recent interview with People magazine. The boyish-looking thirty-three-year-old actor revealed not only that he is gay but also that Doogie Howser, M.D., the kid-genius he played in the television series of the same name, was gay. “Doogie and I

LOS ANGELES – Be afraid, ye sons and daughters of Xenu. Be fearful of your fate, ye glib commentators and disciples of false prophets. Bow down, ye prescription drug addicts and practitioners of psychiatry. Tom Cruise has sucked the brains out of United Artists’ corporate leaders, who have turned control

MALIBU – Britney Spears has joined President Bush, Hillary Clinton, and the Swift Boat Veterans for Truth in demanding an apology from failed presidential candidate John F. Kerry (D-Mass.) for remarks he made at California’s Pasadena City College earlier this week. In one of the first statements released since she

CHICAGO – Jennifer Aniston is either pregnant or in denial about her breakup with Vince Vaughn, or possibly both. These conflicting reports emerged following Ms. Aniston’s appearance at a taping for The Oprah Winfrey Show last week. They were provided by moles who had attended the taping at the request of several

BOSTON – According to reports published in the current issues of the journals Nature and Science, a new comparison of the genetic blueprints of chimpanzees and humans shows that a mere sliver of DNA separates Courtney Love and other celebrities from chimps. The controversial reports are based on a genome-mapping project funded by

MALIBU – Jennifer Aniston and Vince Vaughn have separated after failing to agree about the kind of child they should adopt, reports US Weekly. Friends of the couple are saying, however, that Ms. Aniston and Mr. Vaughn could not agree on the species they should adopt. “Vince was thinking an African

LOS ANGELES – During an appearance on The Ellen DeGeneres Show, Jessica Simpson addressed a wide range of topics from her disappointment with psycho-therapy to the strange effect her celebrity has on men. She even attempted a joke, telling a startled-looking Ms. DeGeneres at one point, “You know, Helen, I seem