Author: Chip Hilton

REPUBLIC OF BRANGELINA – Angelina Jolie, president of the newly formed African Republic of Brangelina, has instructed her ambassador to the United States, Brad Pitt, to send a formal letter of diplomatic inquiry to President George W. Bush. According to a source close to Ms. Jolie, the couple is seeking

WEST CHESTER, Penna. – The campaign to spay Britney Spears, launched yesterday by Postcards from the Pug Bus, southeastern Pennsylvania’s leading satirical website, has gained three important endorsements. According to Pug Bus editor in briefs, Phil Maggitti, the American Kennel Club (AKC), the Mensa Society, and the American Civil Liberties

WEST CHESTER, Penna. – A campaign to spay Britney Spears has been launched by Postcards from the Pug Bus, southeastern Pennsylvania’s leading satirical website. According to Pug Bus editor in briefs, Phil Maggitti, “At the rate Ms. Spears is reproducing, she and her offspring will give birth to thousands of

NEW YORK – Britney Spears paid a surprise visit to yesterday’s taping of the “Late Show with David Letterman” in New York to deny rumors that she is bearing Mr. Letterman’s child. A spokesman for the CBS show said Ms. Spears’ brief visit, which had been arranged earlier in the

HOLLYWOOD – A Tom Cruise backlash appears to have queered the box office for Mr. Cruise’ latest film Mission Impossible 3, which failed to measure up to expectations last weekend. MI3 earned roughly $48 million, domestic, making it No. 1 with a bullet, but the bullet was aimed at its feet. Domestic box

MALIBU – Britney Spears has fitted her husband Kevin Federline with a microchip, hoping to accomplish with technology what she couldn’t accomplish with sex, automobiles, or childbirth. The device—a transponder, actually—was implanted between Mr. Federline’s shoulder blades recently. “Thousands and thousands of husbands run off each year and are never

LOS ANGELES – Britney Spears will hold a press conference at the Los Angeles Convention Center today. Barring the capture of Osama bin Laden, the premature birth of Angelina Jolie’s baby, or the discovery of intelligent life in the White House, Ms. Spears will be the top news story. As

WEST CHESTER, Penna. – Rolling Stones guitarist Keith Richards and Harvard sophomore Kaavya Viswanathan will turn to the courts to seek redress for their current misfortunes, The Wall Street Journal reported this morning. Mr. Richards suffered a concussion when he fell out of a coconut tree at the Wakaya Club resort in

NEW YORK – Julia Roberts has been ordered by a New York judge to stay at least three hundred feet from the Bernard B. Jacobs Theatre, where Three Days of Rain, the play in which Ms. Roberts made her Broadway debut last Wednesday, is being presented. The restraining order was granted

NAMIBIA – Unable to convince Angelina Jolie to become his wife, Brad Pitt has settled for becoming her bitch instead. Mr. Pitt’s transformation from leading man to nanny began on the set of Mr. & Mrs. Smith nearly two years ago, according to friends of the couple. “It’s been a gradual process,”

MALIBU – Britney Spears told child welfare agents that her son’s fall on April 1 was caused by a temporary lack of gravity, which is “emblematic of a larger crisis to come.” The twenty-four-year-old pop star explained that she first learned of “the impending gravity problem” through her studies of

CHICAGO – Art imitates Jennifer Aniston for the erstwhile Friends star in her latest vehicle, Friends with Money. The movie, which played to a packed house at Sundance this year, not only references the television vehicle that brought Ms. Aniston stardom but also exploits her current persona as a woman wronged. When the

BERLIN – Scientologist Tom Cruise flew to Germany a few days ago to announce that he and his pregnant fiancee, Katie Holmes, would be married this summer. Mr. Cruise told Bild, a German newspaper, that he “won’t let this woman get away,” which is something of an understatement as Ms. Holmes