postcards from the pug bus

postcards from the pug bus

lifting a leg on popular culture since 2004

Author: philmaggitti

You Can't Satirize This Shit

You Can’t Satirize This Shit, #11

philmaggitti 154 Views 0 min read

“Ohio Supreme Court Rules ‘Boneless’ Chicken May Contain Bones,” therefore a customer can’t sue a restaurant when a bone in a “boneless” chicken wing goes down his windpipe, causing serious medical problems. “The label on the menu described a cooking style; it was not a guarantee,” wrote one bonehead judge.

Politics

BLM Activist Declares Gravity Is Racist

philmaggitti 175 Views 0 min read

BLM activist Jaleel X. Johnson-kendi, claims that gravity is a “white, heteronormative, non-cis-gender-affirming construct that disproportionally affects black people, especially young black men who don’t wear belts, “another symbol of the white man’s oppression.” Gravity now joins math, lawns, classical music, saddle shoes, and being on time as “racist constructs.” © The fine fucking print: The Read More

You Can't Satirize This Shit

You Can’t Satirize This Shit, #10

philmaggitti 144 Views 0 min read

“Trudeau to install tampon dispensers–in MEN’S bathrooms” Justin Trudeau’s latest brainstorm: supply all bathrooms in federal public service departments, crown corporations, banks, airports, and train yards with menstrual products ‘regardless of their marked genders.’ These free products are taxpayer-funded. Critics say thar men will bring them home to female partners.

Culture

Eleven Things That Shouldn’t Happen to a Dog

philmaggitti 536 Views 2 min read

The list of things that shouldn’t happen to a dog forms an interesting cul-de-sac in the public discourse. According to finance writer Jane Bryant Quinn, “What happens to whistle blowers in this country shouldn’t happen to a dog.” Screenwriter Stephen Schiff believes that “having a lawyer in the editing room is something that shouldn’t happen Read More

News

Eleven Ways to Sniff Out Dogs Online

philmaggitti 722 Views 2 min read

The First Principle of Electronic Communication was defined in a cartoon in the July 5, 1993, edition of the New Yorker. There are two dogs in the cartoon. One, who is seated at a desk in front of a computer, is saying to the other, “On the Internet no one knows you’re a dog.” This Read More

News

Leaked Memo Reveals New Dummies Offerings

philmaggitti 669 Views 2 min read

HOBOKEN, N.J. – John Wiley & Sons, publishers of the gratingly familiar black-and-yellow Dummies books, has sold more than 200 million of those jive, patronizing critters since DOS for Dummies crawled out of the ocean in 1991. In fact, with more than sixteen hundred titles already printed, Dummies is the world’s bestselling reference brand. It’s also getting Read More

Blog

Songs in the Key of Fetch

philmaggitti 413 Views 4 min read

Fetch was not like other dogs. Whenever people were eating, he stared at their feet as though it were high noon at the OK Corral and he was Wyatt Earp; and if a foot so much as moved an inch, he barked frantically, whirled around several times, then resumed staring, determined not to be outdrawn. Fetch Read More

Celebrities

Meghan Markle’s Royal Names for Her New Fragrance

philmaggitti 532 Views 2 min read

Meghan Markle will launch her branded perfume any second now. The super scent has been nearly two years in the making. Countless beavers, deer, and sperm whales have been sacrificed for the cause. Acres of parsely, sage, rosemary, and thyme have been harvested, crushed, and boiled in a huge cauldron. The only ingredient missing is Read More

Blog

Hans Flunks Obedience

philmaggitti 396 Views 5 min read

The first time I saw an obedience class at a dog show, I thought it was done with mirrors. I was particularly suspicious of the drill in which contestants told their dogs to lie down and then walked out of the exhibition ring. Having been a school teacher during one ill-starred period in my life, Read More

Weed

It’s the THC, Stupid

philmaggitti 893 Views 2 min read

WEST CHESTER, PA–The average American pick-up truck has gained 1,142 pounds since 1990. The average American, about the same. The average Phish tune, in concert, added nearly two minutes around its middle, and personal pizzas got 25 percent larger. Go big or go home: The 11th Commandment writ large. During the last several years, CBD (cannabidiol)…the over-hyped, non-psychoactive, virtually worthless, Read More

Religion

Top Ten Reasons Cats Aren’t Mentioned in the Bible

philmaggitti 831 Views 1 min read

WEST CHESTER, Pa.–Two things are certain about the bible: animals were harmed during its production, and cats are not mentioned anywhere in it. If you care to, you can find calves and camels, cankerworms and cattle, cocks and colts, crickets and crocodiles, but no cats. Cats appear to be prospering despite not being mentioned in the bible. Read More

Religion

Jesus Puts the Population of Heaven at About 150

philmaggitti 990 Views 2 min read

WEST CHESTER, PA—The civilized world was staggered yesterday by Jesus’ off-hand remark that there are roughly 150 people in heaven. That’s 1-to-the-5-plus-0 people. Period. Fewer people than the population of septic fields like Armpit, New Mexico, and Chowder Falls, Wisconsin. If your brain hurts from trying to cope with the notion that there are fewer Read More