philmaggitti – Page 12 – postcards from the pug bus

Stay the Fuck Home, Mick Jagger: The Pug Bus Blog #2

philmaggitti 432 Views 4 min read

Dear Mick,I see where you dragged your withered buttocks on stage the other day to croak your way through “Satisfaction” with that towering mediocrity Taylor Swift. Well, she towered over you that’s for sure, in more ways than one. What in the name of all that’s wrinkled, wizened, and way

Religion

When Francis Met Kim

philmaggitti 443 Views 3 min read

WASHINGTON, D.C.—His Supreme Excellency Pope Francis—in addition to meeting with the Harlem Globe Trotters, Vice-President “Meadowlark” Biden (who presented him with a photo of Mr. Biden’s late son, Beau), illegal immigrants, disabled illegal immigrants, and the AARP’s Seniors’ Transgender Alliance—also conspired to meet secretly with Kim Davis at the Vatican’s

Politics You Can't PhotoShop This

All-White Diversity Philly Magazine Cover: You Can’t Photoshop This

philmaggitti 394 Views 1 min read

PHILADELPHIA—What do you get when a magazine runs a cover story about diversity in Philadelphia’s public schools and the photo of cherubic elementary school kids on the cover includes nary a brown, black, beige, tan, yellow, red, brindled, or burnt umber face—just seven cheerful white kids sitting on a low-slung

The Grammar Prick

The Grammar Prick Gets All Up in Thug Kitchen’s Ass

philmaggitti 439 Views 3 min read

WEST GOSHEN, Pa.—Today, boys and girls, we are going to depart from our usual custom of calling out the shitwads who ignore conventional norms of usage. No brickbats for the boneheads who confuse adoptive and adopted; no crucifying the clodhoppers who don’t know that irregardless is an irregular construction; not a single drop of disdain

You Can't PhotoShop This

Pope Gets His Ass Grabbed: You Can’t Photoshop This

philmaggitti 375 Views 1 min read

What sack! What glorious, unalloyed sack! Pope don’t support gay marriage? Pope thinks guy-on-guy reach-arounds are a sin? Gay dude gets cheeky with Da Pontiff’s right cheek. Considering the pope’s eighteenth-century views on women, it’s a wonder that the only chick allowed near His High and Mightiness in this photo

Music

Roger Daltrey’s Hair Forces Cancellation of Who Tour

philmaggitti 435 Views 2 min read

LONDON—Complications surrounding singer Roger Daltrey’s hair have forced The Who to postpone a North American tour that had been scheduled to begin on September 24 in Portland, Oregon. According to a press release issued by the band’s Who’s Left productions, Mr. Daltrey’s hair, 71, contracted follicular meningitis and was ordered

Ass Hats

DeGeneres Wins Asshat Award Again

philmaggitti 465 Views 4 min read

LOS ANGELES-Ellen DeGeneres, with a face only a lesbian could love, has planted that face, and the head to which it is attached, firmly up her ass again. Miss DeGeneres, a putative vegan, has been outed by several animal-advocacy groups because her new ED lifestyle clothing line is

Technology

Web Founder, Tim Berners-Lee, Finally Admits He Misspelled Worldwide

philmaggitti 427 Views 2 min read

GENEVA – Tim Berners-Lee, the father of the world wide web, finally has admitted that he misspelling “worldwide” when he created the web twenty years ago. Mr. Berners-Lee was employed as a junior programmer at a nuclear research center near Geneva, Switzerland, when he wrote a proposal that led eventually

Sporting Life

Tom Brady’s Head Deflates at Press Conference

philmaggitti 408 Views 1 min read

As Tom Brady denied any wrongdoing in the illegal deflation of the footballs used by his New England Patriots in the first half of their 45-7 beat down of the Indianapolis Colts last Sunday, reporters at Mr. Brady’s press conference began to murmur among themselves uneasily. Their discomfort was not

The Grammar Prick

You Are All Charlie Hebdo, Warns the Grammar Prick

philmaggitti 403 Views 2 min read

That was some strange shit that went down in Paris yesterday, wasn’t it, boys and girls? Couple of Muslim thugs and their butt boy killing all those people in the Charlie Hebdo magazine office over a few cartoons that took the piss out of the prophet Muhammad. The Grammar Prick has to

Saints Alive

Andre Bissette, the Patron Saint of Viagra

philmaggitti 477 Views 2 min read

The Catholic Church “teaches” that god calls each one of us to be a saint. Most people treat such invitations as crank calls, but your more impressionable types scurry out to get fitted for a sackcloth hoodie and a bed of nails. One such loser was André Bessette (1845-1937), whose

Pug Bus Pop Quiz

How Well Do You Know Schrödinger’s Cat?

philmaggitti 372 Views 1 min read

For most of us Schrödinger’s cat is a meme without a meaning. Chances are we have seen a reference to this elusive feline somewhere in a book, article, movie, or television show; but chances are equal that we really don’t know fuck-all about this creature. Therefore, the Pug Bus has

Technology

Edward Snowden Leaks NSA Abuse of Movie Pirating Protocol

philmaggitti 408 Views 7 min read

WEST CHESTER, Pa.–In perhaps his most controversial revelation yet, Edward Snowden has leaked details of the National Security Agency (NSA) misuse of the protocol for pirating movies. The latest Snowden leak reveals that NSA employees who are supposed to be monitoring movie piracy are actually pirating movies themselves. This information

Blog

Postcards from the Pug Bus On Holiday

philmaggitti 421 Views 1 min read

WEST CHESTER, Pa.–Postcards from the Pug Bus, southeastern Pennsylvania’s slowest-growing satire site, is going on holiday. As several members of our entourage are not permitted to leave the commonwealth, we will be vacationing in lovely, 99.9-percent-rural Tioga County, four hours and at least two worlds from our house. We regret

The Grammar Prick

The Grammar Prick Says Leave God Out of It

philmaggitti 421 Views 2 min read

WEST CHESTER, Pa.–While the Grammar Prick was watching a football game on television recently, an announcer declared, “Quarterbacks like Peyton Manning are a godsend.” What is wrong with that statement, boys and girls? 1) Peyton Manning, despite his success during the regular season, has a crap record in playoff games