postcards from the pug bus

postcards from the pug bus

lifting a leg on popular culture since 2004

Author: philmaggitti

News

Three Second Rule Extended During Recession

philmaggitti 426 Views 1 min read

WASHINGTON, D.C. – The federal three-second guideline, which warns anyone against picking up food and eating it more than three seconds after it has been dropped, will be extended to six seconds for the remainder of the current recession, according to a U.S. Department of Agriculture spokesperson. “With so many Americans struggling to put food Read More

Religion

Microsoft Acquires Christian Software Firm

philmaggitti 406 Views 3 min read

REDMOND – Wash. – Microsoft’s CEO Bill Gates announced yesterday that his company had acquired Endtimes! Software, the leading Christian software producer in Alabama. Endtimes!, “the inspired binary word of the Lord,” is headquartered in Opp, the center of Alabama’s Silicone Holler. The company produces “salvation software for Jesus geeks.” Gates also announced that Glossolalia Read More

Music

Bono Accused of Leaking New U2 Album

philmaggitti 441 Views 4 min read

DUBLIN – U2 frontman, Bono, has been accused by his band mates of leaking the group’s new album, No Line on the Horizon, well in advance of its March 3 release date. The charges were leveled as the new album became widely available on BitTorrent and file sharing websites early this week. “The needy little Read More

Technology

Microsoft Blames Hackers for Severance Pay Blunder

philmaggitti 418 Views 2 min read

REDMOND, Wash. – A spokesperson for Microsoft blamed hackers for the company’s severance pay blunders, which resulted in some laid-off workers receiving too much severance pay while others received too little. “A weakness in our payroll program—or else in our calculator—was exploited by hackers at some point during the holiday season,” the spokesperson reported. “We Read More

Politics

President Obama Vows to Take On Gravity Shortfall

philmaggitti 411 Views 4 min read

WASHINGTON, D.C. – President Barack Obama warned yesterday that the United States faces “a critical shortfall of gravity” brought on by the failed gravitational policies of the past. “The United States, which is home to 5 percent of the world’s population, consumes nearly 60 percent of its gravity,” the president explained. “The air travel involved Read More

Blog

Chapter 1: Divine Intervention Strikes Twice

philmaggitti 564 Views 9 min read

On a warm Sunday afternoon in April 1990, I was sitting on a hillside in Lancaster County, Pennsylvania, watching a timber race, when god spoke to me. Because more people claim to be familiar with the voice of god than with timber races, I should explain that the latter are jumping races in which a Read More

News

Pope Benedict Will Visit West Chester, Pennsylvania

philmaggitti 444 Views 2 min read

Special to the Pug Bus from T.J. Eckleburg WEST CHESTER, Penna. — Pope Benedict XVI will visit West Chester, Pennsylvania, Wednesday evening, a member of the pope’s entourage has confirmed. According to the pope’s traveling appointments secretary, Cardinal Alfonso Dente, “His Holiness is eager to see the mystery horse on the estate of Postcards from Read More

Ass Hats

Hillary’s Gal Pal Elton Is Ass Hat of the Moment

philmaggitti 436 Views 1 min read

WEST CHESTER, Penna. — Hillary Clinton’s gal pal Elton John is the latest recipient of the Postcards from the Pug Bus Ass Hat of the Moment award. Mr. John—a portly, overbearing, needy little monstrosity in carnival drag—has long been more famous for his emotional outbursts, compulsive shopping, and substance abuse than for his melodies. (Think Read More

Music

Recent Klaus Harmony Sightings Fuel Speculation

philmaggitti 478 Views 3 min read

LONDON – What is it about a dead genius which attracts such frenzied speculation? Examine the myths surrounding any icon and a conspiracy theory is never far away. Never was this more true than in the case of Klaus Harmony, the German maestro of erotik cinema or, as he is more popularly known, the “Mozart Read More

Politics

Hillary Clinton Vows to Court Biracial Vote in New Hampshire

philmaggitti 387 Views 1 min read

CORNISH, NH—Hillary Clinton told customers at a local diner this morning that she regrets not being “more aggressive” in courting the biracial vote during the year-and-a-half run up to the Iowa presidential caucuses. “We underestimated the potential of the biracial vote in Iowa,” said Ms. Clinton. “We didn’t reach out to people of mixed racial Read More

Music

RIAA Wants Record Labels to Limit Home CD Use

philmaggitti 485 Views 3 min read

WASHINGTON, D.C. – The RIAA (Recording Industry Association of America) has fingered consumers who play CDs repeatedly as “the single greatest secret threat” to recording industry profits. The industry watchdog group is suggesting, therefore, that record labels take steps to limit the number of times a CD can be played in the home. RIAA President Read More

Technology

Angelina Jolie Computer Virus Poised to Strike

philmaggitti 427 Views 3 min read

REDMOND, Wash. – The Angelina Jolie virus, a new and potentially smothering computer virus, is set to strike computers around the world on Friday. Popularly known as the Black Mother Widow (BMW) virus, this dangerous scourge is thought to be the work of an Amsterdam-based group of hackers that calls itself Één meer Toke. Microsoft Read More