postcards from the pug bus

postcards from the pug bus

lifting a leg on popular culture since 2004

Author: philmaggitti

Sporting Life

Donovan McNabb Says O.J. Simpson Was Framed

philmaggitti 392 Views 2 min read

PHILADELPHIA – Philadelphia Eagles quarterback Donovan McNabb believes O.J. Simpson was framed for kidnapping, armed robbery, and hooliganism because he is “too black for the dominant white culture” that rules America. “Black man can’t fart without getting arrested in this country because we scare all y’all,” Mr. McNabb told Today host Matt Lauer this morning. “It’s a Read More

News

Kate McCann’s Diary, an Exclusive Peek

philmaggitti 396 Views 4 min read

LONDON – Pages purported to have come from Kate McCann’s diary have been photocopied and leaked to The Sun, England’s tabloid conscience. According to the paper’s managing editor, Malcolm Pease, the diary pages arrived via fax at The Sun‘s lifestyle desk late yesterday afternoon. “Independent handwriting experts have checked the writing against a sample of Kate McCann’s Read More

News

Local Man Arrested for Stealing His Own Identity

philmaggitti 415 Views 2 min read

WEST CHESTER, Penna. – Li Ming, a graduate assistant in computer science at West Chester University, was arrested and charged with identity theft yesterday after trying to obtain a driver’s license under false pretenses. “It’s the damnedest thing I ever heard of,” said West Chester chief of police, Brad Furlong. “Mr. Li visited the department Read More

News

U.S. Blames British Soldiers’ Deaths on Cell Phone Use

philmaggitti 406 Views 2 min read

KAJAKI, Afghanistan – A United States military commander in Afghanistan said yesterday that three British soldiers killed by “a friendly airstrike” on Thursday would still be alive today if “somebody hadn’t been talking on a cell phone when he shouldn’t have been.” According to Lieutenant General Rip Redstone, “A combat patrol is no place to Read More

Sporting Life

NRA President Attacks NAACP’s Michael Vick Tool

philmaggitti 407 Views 2 min read

FAIRFAX, Vir. – NRA president, Wayne LaPierre, assailed R.L. White, HMFIC and president of the NAACP’s Atlanta chapter, for suggesting that deer hunting is “just as bad as” dog fighting. “Mr. White’s comments are insulting and disgusting,” said Mr. LaPierre. “Obviously there is nothing a black person can do that is so heinous another black Read More

Religion

Skype Outage Only the Beginning Warns an Angry God

philmaggitti 432 Views 2 min read

LUXEMBOURG – God has claimed full responsibility for the mysterious Skype outage that left an estimated five to six million of his subjects unable to make phone calls or to send instant messages via the popular Internet-based service last week. In an instant message sent to every Skype subscriber yesterday, god declared not only that Read More

News

Rudy Giuliani Tops Wikipedia Self-Serving Edits

philmaggitti 407 Views 2 min read

NEW YORK – Computers at the campaign headquarters of Republican presidential candidate Rudy Giuliani were used to make fifteen changes to Mr. Giuliani’s Wikipedia page last week, earning America’s Mayor the Virgil Griffith award for the period ending August 18. This soon-to-be-notorious award is named after Virgil Griffith, the CalTech graduate student who created Wikiscanner, a program that Read More

Celebrities

Lindsay Lohan Elle Interview Recalls Happier Times

philmaggitti 437 Views 4 min read

WEST CHESTER, Penna. – If it’s August, Lindsay Lohan is selling magazines for Elle. For the second August in a row another issue of Elle featuring the fully loaded Herbie star hits the newsstands, but what a difference a year makes. This time around Ms. Lohan is on the defensive, assuring Elle‘s readers not only that the paparazzi are Read More

Music

Britney Spears’ New CD in Starbucks Tuesday

philmaggitti 369 Views 2 min read

LOS ANGELES – The long-awaited new Britney Spears CD, Here I Come Again, will go on sale at all Starbucks outlets around the world on Tuesday. A source close to the project told Billboard magazine that Ms. Spears chose Starbucks because “it has always been her refuge” whenever she felt misunderstood. “No matter what lies the false tabloids Read More

Sporting Life

Rush Limbaugh Says Donovan McNabb Coddled by Philly Press

philmaggitti 385 Views 2 min read

NEW YORK – According to Rush Limbaugh, Donovan McNabb is being protected by the Philadelphia press, which has orchestrated “a shameful and concerted news blackout” of remarks Mr. McNabb made about Michael Vick to the Washington Post and other news sources. In the Post interview, published two days ago, Mr. McNabb declared, “I’m a supporter of Vick.” Mr. McNabb Read More

Sporting Life

Michael Vick Severs Ties with PRCA and Skoal

philmaggitti 420 Views 2 min read

NEWPORT NEWS, Vir. – A lawyer for suspended Atlanta Falcons quarterback, Michael Vick, announced today that Mr. Vick was severing his ties with the Professional Rodeo Cowboys Association (PCRA) and with Skoal, the makers of smokeless tobacco. “Michael Vick recognizes his responsibilities as a role model to his fans,” said Dutch Williamson. “Therefore, he is Read More

Sporting Life

Michael Vick’s Dog House Program Busts Britney Spears

philmaggitti 406 Views 1 min read

NEWPORT NEWS, Vir. – Michael Vick’s Dog House, a one-minute segment of social commentary, debuted on radio station WCUR in Newport News, Virginia, during morning drive time yesterday. Sponsored by Chomp, the nation’s leading manufacturer of quality steel-jaw leghold traps and other restraining devices, Michael Vick’s Dog house promises to put the bite on the Read More

Celebrities

Lindsay Lohan Arrested for DUI Again, Exclusive Timeline

philmaggitti 427 Views 6 min read

LOS ANGELES – Lindsay Lohan was arrested for DUI and cocaine possession yesterday, offenses that are, coincidentally, quite similar to the ones that occasioned her surrender to the Beverly Hills police six days ago. “Lindsay fell off the wagon and was dragged a few blocks,” said her representative, Leslie Sloan Zelnick-Sloan, “but she is in Read More