postcards from the pug bus

postcards from the pug bus

lifting a leg on popular culture since 2004

Author: philmaggitti

Sporting Life

Ohio State’s Greg Oden Out of NCAA Title Game

philmaggitti 419 Views 2 min read

ATLANTA – Ohio State freshman center Greg Oden has been declared ineligible for tonight’s NCAA championship game with the University of Florida. NCAA officials, acting on a tip, visited Mr. Oden’s MySpace page on the Internet, where they found a picture of a birthday cake with forty candles on it. Beneath the cake was the Read More

Culture

Pornography Merchants Hail Internet Smut Ruling

philmaggitti 436 Views 2 min read

CORNISH FLATS, N.H. – Adult Internet content, which includes but is not limited to bumping uglies in pairs and in groups, bestiality, pedophilia, necrophilia, and the Bush twins’ webcam, will not get its own dot-xxx address on the World Wide Web; and the folks who merchant this sort of entertainment could not be happier. “Let Read More

Celebrities

Angelina Jolie Adoption Reaches Milestone

philmaggitti 426 Views 1 min read

FLAGSTAFF, Arizona – Angelina Jolie is a long way from breaking Mia Farrow’s parenting record—four biological and ten or eleven adopted kids—but the Tomb Raider star takes a back seat to nobody when it comes to adopting highways. While the media focused on Ms. Jolie’s three adoptions and one natural birth during the last five years, she Read More

Celebrities

Angelina Jolie Adoption Spree Inspires New SAT Questions

philmaggitti 439 Views 3 min read

PRINCETON, N.J. – Angelina Jolie’s mad-brained adoption behavior has inspired the Educational Testing Service (ETS) in Princeton, New Jersey, to add several new questions to the mathematics portion of its venerable Scholastic Aptitude Test (SAT). An official at ETS said the Jolie questions were part of an attempt to overhaul the SAT in order to Read More

Politics

John Edwards in Danger of Losing Sympathy Vote

philmaggitti 422 Views 3 min read

NEW YORK – John Edwards may have squandered the sympathy vote already with his remarks during a 60 Minutes interview with Katie Couric, which was taped Saturday in Las Vegas and aired last night. Prior to his 60 Minutes appearance, several polls had indicated a shift in the sympathy vote toward Mr. Edwards, a former senator and vice presidential Read More

Sporting Life

LSU’s Pokey Chatman Remembered as Hands-on Coach

philmaggitti 425 Views 2 min read

BATON ROUGE, La. – Recently resigned LSU women’s basketball coach Dana “Pokey” Chatman, 37, will be remembered as a hands-on coach, said a trio of former players. “She worked her fingers to the bone, and she expected the same from you,” said Tymeka Jones. “Yet despite being a strict disciplinarian, she wasn’t afraid to show Read More

Religion

Sarah Silverman Snub Has God Lovers Fuming

philmaggitti 433 Views 3 min read

NEW YORK – Sarah Silverman has had her last orgasm if God’s followers have anything to say about it. Friends of the Big Guy are praying that Ms. Silverman’s morning-after kiss off, seen last week on the season’s finale of her Comedy Central show, will come back to bite her on the ass—something she apparently Read More

Celebrities

Brad Pitt, Angelina Jolie Adoption Request Denied

philmaggitti 416 Views 2 min read

NEW ORLEANS – Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie have failed in their latest attempt to add to their rainbow family. The actor-activist couple learned yesterday that a New Orleans animal shelter had denied their request to adopt a three-month-old Labrador retriever puppy. The shelter’s refusal came as a shock to Brangelina watchers, who assumed that Read More

Religion

Jesus’ Tomb Proves He Was Not Gay, Says James Cameron

philmaggitti 397 Views 2 min read

NEW YORK – Oscar-winning director James Cameron believes that inscriptions on the tombs of the J.H. Christ family “should settle once and for all” any lingering questions about Jesus’ sexuality. Mr. Cameron is the producer of The Lost Tomb of Jesus, which airs Sunday on the Discovery Channel. He argues that ten small caskets discovered in Read More

Culture

Other Numbers Critical of The Number 23

philmaggitti 432 Views 3 min read

NEW YORK – The approaching release of The Number 23, starring Jim Carey and Virginia Madsen, has created a furor in the ranks of the normally staid numerical community. The advance publicity for this brooding psychological thriller, which opens Friday, February 23, figures to turn 23 into a cult phenomenon, and that is sure to dominate Read More

Celebrities

Anna Nicole Smith Rejected at Heavenly Gate

philmaggitti 450 Views 3 min read

NORTH POLE – An emergency Council of Supreme Beings session determined yesterday that the soul of recently departed celebrity Anna Nicole Smith had failed to qualify for an eternal reward. According to a source present at the meeting, the soul of Ms. Smith, who died last week of a lethal combination of drugs, alcohol, and Read More

Music

Dixie Chicks Sweep Grammies, Ban Country Music Stations

philmaggitti 383 Views 2 min read

LOS ANGELES – After sweeping the top three categories at the 49th annual Grammy Awards last night, the Dixie Chicks announced they would “sue the ass off” any country music radio station that reversed a ban on the Chicks’ music and started playing their songs again. “Those bastards had their chance,” said Chicks’ lead singer, Read More

News

Harvard to Name First Gay Female Impersonator President

philmaggitti 439 Views 2 min read

CAMBRIDGE, Mass. – Harvard is expected to name its first gay female impersonator president today in an historic outreach that MoveOn.org has called “a three bagger for diversity.” Harvard, the nation’s oldest university, has never had a female, much less a gay female impersonator, president in its 371-year history. The appointment of Drew Gilpin Faust Read More

Celebrities

Will Katie Holmes See Her Thetan on Groundhog Day?

philmaggitti 400 Views 3 min read

BEVERLY HILLS – Tomorrow morning at six o’clock Katie Holmes will emerge from her bunker in Tom Cruise’ mansion in Beverly Hills. Wearing only a full-length body stocking and unaccompanied for the moment by Posh Spice Beckham, she will stand facing east, arms held loosely at her sides, and hold her breath for ten seconds. Read More