philmaggitti – Page 4 – postcards from the pug bus

National Screw the Pooch Day, Why Dogs Despise It℠

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WEST GOSHEN TWP, Pa.–”Screw the pooch”—short for “fuck the dog”— is an expression made popular in Tom Wolfe’s 1979 book … Read on

Innerviews

Atheist Scores Exclusive Interview with the Historical Jesus

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WEST CHESTER, Pa.—Although we hold no brief with invisible friends in the sky—not the nine choirs of angels, the eight … Read on

News

Deaths from Weighted Blankets on the Rise

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WEST CHESTER–A seventy-five-year-old woman, whose name was being withheld at press time, was found dead in her apartment yesterday afternoon, … Read on

News

Study Finds that Shadows Lead Lives of Quiet Desperation

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CHICAGO—A study conducted recently by the University of Chicago suggests that shadows lead flat, unfulfilling lives. According to the study—based … Read on

Celebrities

Scarlett Johansson’s Ass to Star in American Express Ad

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NEW YORK – Scarlett Johansson’s ass and American Express: the perfect fit. Ms. Johansson never leaves home without them.

Scarlett … Read on

Book of Daze

National Drunks Against Mad Mothers Day℠

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James Carville described Pennsylvania as “Philadelphia on one side, Pittsburgh on the other, and Alabama in between.” Living just far … Read on

Culture

Local SPCA Rescues 250 Pug Dog Figurines

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CHADDS FORD, Penn. – Acting on a tip from a local animal rights activist, police and SPCA officers raided the … Read on

Technology

Updates for Old White Man Apps Due from Apple, Google

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CUPERTINO, CA—Apple and Google are locked in a hair-pulling, eye-gouging, nut-smacking contest to see who can get to market first … Read on

Technology

Apple iPhone 12 Contains Fecal Finder™ App

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In its rollout of the iPhone 12, Apple seems to have saved one of the most revolutionary features of its … Read on

News

Wal-Mart Pulls All Chinese Toothpaste in the United States

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BENTONVILLE, Ark. – Wal-Mart will no longer sell Chinese toothpaste in its United States outlets. The global retail giant announced … Read on

News

Sir Paul Caught on Video Attempting to Buy Pot

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WINGHAM, Near Sandwich, Kent, Next to Blasingstone-on-Avon England—A potentially embarrassing iPhone 10 video in which Paul McCartney is seen attempting … Read on

Culture