philmaggitti – Page 5 – postcards from the pug bus

National Irregardless Day

philmaggitti 495 Views 2 min read

WEST GOSHEN TWP, PA—We fucking love the sound of irregardless. It’s a four-syllable word from the wrong side of … Read on

Ass Hats

Whoopi Goldberg Is an Ass Hat for Sure

philmaggitti 406 Views 2 min read

WEST GOSHEN TWP, PA—A gay, British, former friend of mine who was active in the animal … Read on

Saints Alive

St. Theneva, Patron Saint of Breast Reductions

philmaggitti 603 Views 2 min read

WEST CHESTER, Pa. – Saint Theneva of Glasgow was a British princess who enjoyed the horizontal sports from an early … Read on

The Grammar Prick

The Grammar Prick’s Lockdown Lessons

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I hope you boys and girls have been wearing your masks and practicing social distancing. … Read on

Politics

Biden Vows to Investigate Alarming Rise in GPS Malfunctions

philmaggitti 347 Views 2 min read

WASHINGTON, D.C.—President-elect Joseph R. Biden announced yesterday that “on Day One” he would ask the Department of Homeland Security to … Read on

Ass Hats

Van Morrison Is the Ass Hat of the Moment

philmaggitti 426 Views 2 min read

WEST GOSHEN TWP, PA—That disgusting, little fat-shit Van Morrison, all of 5’5″ in his high-heeled boots, is the Ass Hat … Read on

News

NSA Blames Vague Terror Warning on Inability to Decode Pig Latin

philmaggitti 409 Views 2 min read

WASHINGTON, D.C.–An unnamed official with the National Security Agency (NSA) said that the organization’s recent vague terror warning—”We are positive … Read on

Politics

Math, Gravity, and Speed Limits Reek of White Supremacy

philmaggitti 392 Views 3 min read

WEST GOSHEN TWP, Pa.—Brooklyn College Professor of Math Education Laurie Rubel proclaimed recently on Twitter … Read on

Blog

Why I Love the Coronavirus

philmaggitti 439 Views 3 min read

COVID-19 is the gift pandemic that keeps on giving: a gleaming, unforgiving mirror that reflects the foibles, failures, and foolhardiness … Read on

News

New Study Suggests That Obesity Is Weighing Down the Human Soul

philmaggitti 386 Views 1 min read

WEST GOSHEN TWP, Pa–A new study published in Applied Psychological Measurement suggests that the obesity epidemic has begun to make … Read on

Book of Daze

National Schrödinger’s Cat Day Quiz℠

philmaggitti 623 Views 3 min read

WEST GOSHEN TWP, Pa.–There is only one kind of person in the world. He who knows about Schrödinger’s cat, and … Read on

Book of Daze

National Unbaptize the Dead Day℠

philmaggitti 521 Views 2 min read

Skeleton getting baptized. — I unbaptize thee.

WEST GOSHEN TWP, Pa.–We take no small measure of joy in knowing there are people in the … Read on

Book of Daze

National Penultimate Day℠

philmaggitti 1048 Views 4 min read

(Special to the Pug Bus from the Daily Lack of News)

WEST GOSHEN TWP, Pa.–Our culture is obsessed with going … Read on

Book of Daze

National Aristocrats Joke Day℠

philmaggitti 500 Views 4 min read

Aristocrat's Movie Poster — “This guy and his wife, their two kids, their grandmother, and the family dog walk on stage . . .

… Read on

U.S. News

Keister Family Tired of Being Butt of Jokes

philmaggitti 378 Views 2 min read

LIVONIA, Mich. – Ron and Linda Keister of Livonia have filed a civil suit against their next door neighbor Tim … Read on