PHILADELPHIA – Pitchman Bill Cosby quietly settled a class action suit with an unspecified number of women who had accused him of drugging and sexually assaulting them in his home outside Philadelphia, his lawyer revealed yesterday. Terms of the settlement were not revealed.
Speaking on behalf of the contingent of women, Jane Madison Doe of Milwaukee, Wisconsin, said, “The jokes he forced me to listen to were so bad, so totally unfunny. He must be made to pay for his behavior.”
“I’ve never heard such painful and embarrassing material,” added Rachel Doe of Albany, New York. “He’s not even good enough to play the Catskills.
Philadelphia District Judge Alberto Robreno ruled that allegations of harm by each of the Jane Doe witnesses against Cosby were substantiated and broad and, in the final analysis, warranted keeping their identities secret.
Among the reasons the women gave for wishing to conceal their identities were fear of worsening a bipolar mental condition, a desire to shield children or elderly parents from harmfully bad jokes, fear of damaging one’s standing in the church choir, unwillingness to risk compromising one’s cover in the federal witness protection program, self-consciousness about weight gain and facial hair, the demands of menopause, and sagging breasts.
A total of twenty-seven women had agreed to testify against Mr. Cosby in a class action suit filed against him in March 2005 by Andrea Constand, a former Temple University employee.
Ms. Constand, then 31, alleged that Cosby had drugged her and subjected her to unfunny “comedic” material against her will. Each of the other women who have come forward allege that The Cos, then 67, put the same moves on them.
Ms. Constand originally told police in Toronto, where she has been living in seclusion in her parents’ home since the incident, that she went to dinner with Mr. Cosby and “a few other friends” in January 2004. After dinner the comedian invited her to his mansion.
“He insisted that I try this new rainbow-flavored Jell-O pudding pop,” said Ms. Constand. “I got dizzy right after I ate the Jell-O pudding pop, then everything became a blur. The next thing I knew I was tied to a chair in Mr. Cosby’s screening room, and he was doing this comedy routine about a tennis player who undergoes a sex change and becomes a singing detective.”
Ms. Constand, who still hopes to become a massage-and-aroma therapist, was employed in the athletic department at Philadelphia’s Temple University, Mr. Cosby’s alma mater, when the alleged unfunny assault took place.
According to Ms. Constand, “the material I was forced to listen to was some of the lamest I ever heard. It was totally whack and extremely painful to bear. I have nightmares about it still. I begged Mr. Cosby to stop and to let me go, but he got angry and began walking menacingly around the chair to which I was tied while talking in this threatening Fat Albert voice.
“I felt violated. I finally got him to untie me by faking hysterical laughter over this joke about a rabbi, a priest, and a minister who bet on a Temple football game.”
Walter Phillips, Jr., Mr. Cosby’s attorney, said the allegations against his client, while baseless, were “no laughing matter and demanded our attention.”
Mr. Cosby, meanwhile, told reporters that the “vile and preposterous” accusations will not prevent him from hectoring black audiences about the epidemic of poorly educated children and deadbeat dads in the black community—or about the dangers of rap music.
A friend of Mr. Cosby’s who did not wish to be identified said the comedian had been despondent recently because he felt that his humor was no longer relevant. “I know he was trying to develop some ‘edgier’ routines,” said the friend, “but he was having a hard time getting people to sit down and listen to him.”
In related news, the makers of Depends issued a statement saying they would stand behind Mr. Cosby, who became their official spokesman just last month.
“People in our demographic still pee themselves every time they listen to Bill,” said a Depends publicist.
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