WEST CHESTER, Penna. – Irish rock star Bono has been nominated for the Nobel Peace Prize, one of the few significant awards that has eluded him. Time magazine’s 2005 Person of the Year and Rolling Stone magazine’s Most Annoying Celebrity of 2005, “solo male performance in a rock band” category, Mr. Bono could complete the hat trick by copping the Nobel.
“It’s a great honor for the other 190 nominees to be advanced in the same year as I,” said Mr. Bono. “I plan to speed dial each and every one of them to offer my congratulations, although I fear condolences might more properly be in order.”
The value of the Nobel Peace Prize stands at $1.3 million already and is certain to go much higher before the winner of the prize is announced in October. Mr. Bono said he has not yet decided whether he will take the lump-sum or annuity-payment option.
And now the Bono Nobel Peace Prize Quiz. Do well or you’ll make Mr. Bono sad.
1. Bono’s real name is . . .
a) Leisure Suit Larry
b) St. Bono
c) Paul Hewson
d) Mullet Man
e) I, Claudius
2. Bono was born in . . .
a) poverty
b) Dublin
c) a manger
d) a state of perpetual grace
e) his own image and likeness
3. Other persons nominated for this year’s Nobel Peace Prize include . . .
a) Johnny Rotten
b) Dick Cheney
c) Russell Crowe
d) Bob Geldof
e) Carrot Top
4. Bono never appears in public without his . . .
a) hat
b) sunglasses
c) biographer
d) blanket
e) alter egos
5. Which of the following persons does Bono want to met?
a) his match
b) his inner child
c) his first child
d) Julia Childs
e) Tinky Winky
6. Bono has been linked romantically with . . .
a) his wife
b) himself
c) Jude Law’s nanny
d) Jude Law
e) Bob Geldof
7. Last year Bono was considered for the post of president of . . .
a) the World Bank
b) a sperm bank
c) Ben&Jerry’s
d) his own fan club
e) Ireland
8) Bono recently defended his relationship with . . .
a) Mick Jagger
b) Madonna
c) himself
d) George W. Bush
e) Boy George
9) At the New Musical Express awards in London, Bono used ________ fourteen times while introducing Bob Geldof.
a) the f-word
b) the first-person pronoun
c) the n-word
d) his right middle finger
e) his handkerchief
10. Bono secretly wants to be . . .
a) Jesus
b) cloned
c) worshipped
d) canonized
e) taller
© The fine fucking print: The editorial content on this page is fictional. It is presented for satirical and/or entertainment purposes only. We cannot be held responsible for the actions of anyone who takes this sort of shit seriously. We also do not wish to be held responsible for any copyrighted material that sneaked onto this page when we weren’t looking. If you can prove that anything on this page belongs rightfully to you, we will happily take it down and return the unused portion. No questions asked.
