LOS ANGELES – The feeding frenzy for the latest dish about Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie is threatening to overwhelm the golden couple. Although it may be impossible to be too thin or too rich, the Brangelina phenomenon, which is now bigger than the sum of its parts, may prove it is possible to be too famous.
Imagine if your every visit with a foreign head of state, your every arrival at an airport, your every walk on a secluded beach in Africa were recorded by a buzzing swarm of photographers with unfortunate facial hair and KMart taste in clothes. Your publicist would sound frazzled, too.
“We are not talking about it,” said Pitt’s publicist, Cindy Guagenti, who has taken to speaking in the Royal We and the ineluctable it of late. “We don’t want any more stories. We don’t want any more photographs. We just want people to leave them alone.”
Ms. Guagenti did not, however, say “we” don’t want any more Brangelina quizzes. In fact, what this entire food fight needs are more opportunities for people to digest the news they’ve already consumed. To facilitate that process, Postcards from the Pug Bus presents its first, and perhaps last, Brangelina quiz.
1. Angelina Jolie is expecting . . .
a) a boy
b) a girl
c) twins
d) rain
2. Angelina Jolie got pregnant in . . .
a) Canada
b) an airplane
c) the missionary position
d) self-defense
3. Brad and Angelina will be married on . . .
a) Valentine’s day
b) his birthday
c) her birthday
d) Bastille day
4. Brad and Angelina will be married in . . .
a) Malibu
b) George Clooney’s villa
c) Jennifer Aniston’s living room
d) they’re already married
5. The best man at Brangelina’s wedding will be (was) . . .
a) Guy Ritchie
b) Lionel Richie
c) George Clooney
d) Boy George
6. Angelina Jolie’s ring contains . . .
a) a microchip
b) a drop of Brad Pitt’s blood
c) a Swiss Army knife
d) a cell phone
7. The chef who will cater Brangelina’s wedding is . . .
a) Jamie Oliver
b) Emeril Lagasse
c) Chef Boyardee
d) HIV positive
8. Angelina Jolie is a goodwill ambassador for the United Nations . . .
a) international cinema foundation
b) landmine cooperative
c) missing children’s fund
d) refugee committee
9. Angelina Jolie plans to deliver her baby by . . .
a) Caesarian section
b) UPS
c) proxy
d) osmosis
10. The words tattooed on Angelina Jolie’s Stomach—”quod me nutrit me destruit”—mean . . .
a) if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it
b) fool me once, shame on you
c) let sleeping dogs lie
d) so’s your mother
11. Brad and Angelina will seal their union with . . .
a) a kiss
b) bodily fluids
c) wax
d) matching tattoos
12. Following the wedding, Brangelina will live in . . .
a) hiding
b) terror
c) denial
d) absentia
13. Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie co-starred in . . .
a) War of the Roses
b) War of the Worlds
c) Mr. & Mrs. Smith
d) March of the Penguins
14. Brad Pitt was recently named the sexiest man on the planet by what magazine?
a) Popular Mechanics
b) Out
c) Cat Fancy
d) Car & Driver
15. Brad and Angelina have never admitted they are . . .
a) dating
b) gay
c) dyslexic
d) serious
Answers
1-4, 2-d.3-d, 4-d, 5-c, 6-c, 7-a, 8-d, 9-c, 10-d, 11-b, 12-b, 13-c, 14-c, 15-a.
Scoring
11-15 correct: you take meals and sex alone
6-10 correct: you need to spend more time out of doors
1-5 correct: you could almost care less about these boobs
0 correct: you couldn’t care less about these boobs
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