MALIBU – After months of speculation, fat jokes, separation rumors, and bad hair days, pop star Britney Spears finally broke down yesterday. Friends and famliy members say it’s a wonder she didn’t break down sooner.
“She’s been driving herself too hard, trying to be mother, bread winner, and baby-sitter to her two children,” said one family member who asked to be named anonymous. “It’s too much for anyone.”
Ms. Spears was driving along the Pacific Coast Highway when for no apparent reason she began going progressively slower until finally she brought her rap star husband’s Ferarri to a dead stop in the middle of the road.
As her ever-present escort of paparazzi snapped away, Ms. Spears sat looking dazed and confused behind the wheel, trying
to start the car over and over until finally it made no sound. Her obvious distress melted even the hearts of several paparazzi, who holstered their cameras long enough to push Ms. Spears’ car to the side of the road.
Two officers from the California Highway Patrol (CHiPs) soon arrived at the scene to lend assistance. One officer led Ms. Spears to the CHiPs patrol car, where she waited until a tow truck came to take her vehicle to the local Ferrari dealer.
The other officer, who volunteered to stay with the Ferrari, told reporters Ms. Spears would “most likely” not be cited for operating her vehicle erratically, “given the circumstances.”
After the tow truck had left, the CHiPs officers took Ms. Spears to an undiscosed location where she is reported to be resting quietly.
In other news, Oprah Winfrey said the success of Osama bin Laden’s initial book club recommendation, Rogue State: A Guide to the World’s Only Superpower, was “just beginner’s luck.”
This article was featured on The Breakfast Buzz with Kimberly and Beck and The BJ Shea Morning Experience.
© The fine fucking print: The editorial content on this page is fictional. It is presented for satirical and/or entertainment purposes only. We cannot be held responsible for the actions of anyone who takes this sort of shit seriously. We also do not wish to be held responsible for any copyrighted material that sneaked onto this page when we weren’t looking. If you can prove that anything on this page belongs rightfully to you, we will happily take it down and return the unused portion. No questions asked.
