MALIBU – Britney Spears’ obsession with Princess Diana has Ms. Spears’ few remaining friends concerned. They fear the frazzled pop star may be planning to harm herself in some dramatic way in order to mimic the princess’ death.
“We didn’t think nothing much about it when Britney ditched her Carol Channing wig for a Princess Diana model,” said Ms. Spears’ closest friend and alleged cousin, Alli Sims. “We even humored her when she started calling her sons Prince Sean Preston and Prince Jayden James, but this latest shit is too much.”
This latest shit is the full-blown Princess Di museum Ms. Spears has erected in a wing of her newest Malibu mansion.
“You wouldn’t believe the stuff she’s got in that room,” said Ms. Sims. “Salt and pepper shakers, Pez dispensers, teddy bears, night lights, mugs, nipple rings, you name it. It’s scary.”
According to a source at Promises-by-the-Sea, where Ms. Spears failed rehabilitation earlier this year, her belief that she is the reincarnation of Princess Diana was triggered when she read an abridged version of The Murder Of Princess Diana by Noel Botham.
“It was all she wanted to talk about in therapy,” the source revealed. “Overnight she stopped writing Helter Skelter on the walls with her own feces, and she began buying Princess Diana memorabilia on eBay like there was no tomorrow.”
When she’s haunting eBay, Princess Britney has been known to go without sleep for days. In addition, she refuses to eat anything but shepherd’s pie, Scotch eggs, and pork scratchings, and she’s working to acquire a British accent like Madonna’s. Unfortunately, Princess Britney’s been using Billy Mays infomercials as her model, and she sounds more Cockney than posh.
“We don’t know what she’s talking about half the time,” said Ms. Sims. “Back home in Louisiana we got a saying, ‘Just because you put a tuxedo on a skunk, don’t mean he ain’t gonna stink.'”
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