MALIBU – Britney Spears has joined President Bush, Hillary Clinton, and the Swift Boat Veterans for Truth in demanding an apology from failed presidential candidate John F. Kerry (D-Mass.) for remarks he made at California’s Pasadena City College earlier this week.
In one of the first statements released since she took control of her own makeup and public relations this year, Ms. Spears blasted Senator Kerry for being “all hair and no cattle.”
“He’s got a heck of a nerve saying that people who are too retarded to do well even in a community college are going to get stuck in Iraq,” said Ms. Spears.
“As the mother of two young boys already getting mocked in the false tabloids for not being the sharpest bulbs in the shed, I know how those remarks can hurt. There’s nothing wrong with going to a community college. I’d be proud if either Sean Preston or Sutton Pierce, I mean, Jayden James, qualified for one.”
Ms. Spears’ remarks came three days after Senator Kerry had told students at Pasadena City College: “You know, education, if you make the most of it, you study hard and you do your homework and you make an effort to be smart, you can do well. If you don’t, you get stuck in Iraq.”
The senator has since apologized to U.S. troops in Iraq who flunked out of community college, but his mea culpa does not seem to have mollified Ms. Spears.
“Instead of telling students they ought to do their homework, he ought to do some homework of his own,” she said. “I’ll bet there’s lots of soldiers stuck in Iraq who didn’t go to community college. If he thinks Sean Pierce or Preston James are going to get stuck in Iraq, he’s got another think coming. I’ll move to Namibia first. I thought about doing that once, you know.”
In related news, Ms. Spears said she had no idea how Senator Kerry’s remarks might affect Democrats’ chances of regaining control of the legislature.
“It’s a long way to 2008,” she said. “Anything could happen between now and then.”
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