WEST CHESTER, Penna. – Britney Spears is the Postcards from the Pus Bus 2006 Person of the Year. Ms. Spears captured the title hands down, and occasionally face down, and why not? Hers is easily the most recognizable face and name in the world. Not the most recognizable celebrity face and name, but the most recognizable friggin’ person in the whole goddamn universe. Period!
Britney is larger than life, larger than George W. Bush, larger than Paris Hilton, Jesus Christ, Angelina Jolie, Saddam Hussein, and all the other pretenders to celebrityhood. She is even larger than You, whom Time magazine chose, rather patronizingly we thought, as its person of the year.
This was the year that Britney Spears let us see her in ways we had only imagined before. We might not have imagined her in exactly the way she presented herself—stubble on her pudendum, C-section scar on her belly—but what the hell. What we saw is what she’s got, and we challenge anyone not to think about that image for the next minute.
Here at Postcards from the Pug Bus we have ridden Britney Spears as hard as anyone has during 2006, including Paris Hilton. Indeed, we posted forty-three articles about Britney this year.
When she had a breakdown on the Pacific Coast Highway, we were there. When her obsession with Princess Diana had Britney’s friends fearing for her sanity, we broke the news. When Britney worried that the sculpture of her delivering Sean Preston on all fours made her butt look big, we fretted right along with her.
When Sean Preston was dropped on his head—the drop heard ’round the world—we were the first celebrity satire website to break the story. When Britney announced she was pregnant again and she was moving to Namibia to give birth to her second child, we had the exclusive. Everybody from China News Ripoff to The Associated Press tripped over their dicks running to repeat that one, making us proud and humble at the same time.
Throughout the long and winding year, whenever Britney Spears’ fans had questions—why did she pose naked, why did she change her hair color, why didn’t she wear underwear—we came up with answers.
When rumors started flying about Britney’s sex video, her bisexuality, or her sexual organs, we trained a gimlet eye on the subject. If it happened in Britney’s world, it rocked yours, and it you read about it first in ours. That’s why Britney Spears, not Paris Hilton, not Jesus H. Christ, not even You, is our person of the year.
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