WASHINGTON, D.C. – Frank, the pug dog who starred in Men in Black, delivered the official canine response to President George W. Bush’s state of the union address yesterday.
Speaking through an interpreter, Frank accused the president of exploiting “that dumb-ass German shepherd Rex,” who attended the state of the union address at the invitation of First Lady Laura Bush.
“Big deal,” snorted Frank. “The White House exploited that Rambo dog to prop up support for this country’s imperialist adventures overseas, but back home in the U.S.S.A. he couldn’t get into a restaurant unless he was attached to a blind person. Besides, they saddled him with one of the lamest, most overused dog names in history. I wonder what genius thought that one up.”
Rex, the dog that got under Frank’s collar, is a five-year-old German shepherd that served as a military bomb-sniffing dog in Pakistan and Iraq. On June 25 last year he was injured when the Humvee in which he was riding was blown up by a roadside bomb in Kirkuk, Iraq.
“How’s that for irony?” laughed Frank. “If Rex is such a great bomb sniffer, why didn’t he sniff out that one? Honoring that mutt for outstanding service is like praising Jack Abramoff for his dedication to America.”
Frank, who is president elect of Swift Dog Nonveterans for Truth, says he plans to author a book exposing the United States exploitation of dogs in the military. He claims that German shepherds, Rottweilers, and a handful of “macho breeds” that are used as “dupes” to curry favor among dog owners for the war in Iraq do not represent the majority of “peace loving dogs” such as pugs, Boston terriers, French poodles, bichons frisés, and many more.
“The truly patriotic dog defends his home, he doesn’t go around breaking into other people’s countries,” said Frank.
In related news, the American Kennel Club plans to award Rex an honorary championship at the Westminster Kennel Club show, the Super Bowl of dog shows, in Madison Square Garden on February 14.
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