Ass Hats

Inspiration, like god, works in mysterious ways. Just the other day we were inspired by a piece we saw on the Deadspin website, not a place where a person usually goes for inspiration. This piece, obviously written by a  knuckle-dragging, mouth-breathing, shit-flinging, mother-loving, liberal mungwad, featured the inspiring headline: “Players and recruits shouldn’t trust Kim Read More

WEST GOSHEN TWP, PA—A gay, British, former friend of mine who was active in the animal rights movement … and, some whispered, active in the animal rights “underground” too … hated Whoopi Goldberg. Absolutely hated, despised, shat-upon-spat-upon hatred. Hated her so much that he stooped to hurling an ethnic slur at Whoopi. Yep. He called Read More

Huffington Post scribbler Cole Delbyck has got himself an ass hat for vowing never to watch Last Tango in Paris again. He put on his big-boy pants and proudly announced his resolve in a mawkish exercise in virtue signaling entitled, “That Famous Rape Scene In ‘Last Tango in Paris’ Was In Fact Not Consensual, Director Read More

SAN FRANCISCO—Just when you think progressives couldn’t possibly do anything more batshit than some of the batshit things they’ve done already, along comes some batshit progressive with her head up her ass crashing headlong into the walls of common sense, decency, right thinking, and civic responsibility. That headless horseperson would be Lena Van Haren, principal Read More

    LOS ANGELES-Ellen DeGeneres, with a face only a lesbian could love, has planted that face, and the head to which it is attached, firmly up her ass again. Miss DeGeneres, a putative vegan, has been outed by several animal-advocacy groups because her new ED lifestyle clothing line is being expanded to accommodate shit Read More

WEST CHESTER, Pa.–Oprah Winfrey gave away a car on Jimmy Kimmel’s show last night in a transparent attempt to deflect attention from her failed transparent attempt to draw attention to her new movie, something or other about some butler. As an exercise in hey-look-at-me tone deafness . . . . . . it was among Read More

WEST CHESTER, Pa. – Racial harmony in the United States may not be receding in the rear view mirror of life so much as one might imagine in these post-Trayvon-Martin times. Ever since George Zimmerman became a free man last Saturday night, a Saturday Night fever has enveloped members of the Liberal classes—not to mention Read More

WEST CHESTER, Penna. — We take no pleasure in bestowing this Asshat of the Moment award on Taco Bell, which recently bent over frontwards to accommodate a bunch of meddlesome old cunts of both sexes at the Center for Science in the Public Interest (CSPI). Seems like those meddlesome old cunts started foaming at the Read More

WEST CHESTER, Penna. – The Amalgamated Asshat Association will have to step up production this week in order to make enough asshats for all the Joe Paterno enablers who have earned one. Did somebody lift a rock the size of Beaver stadium out there in Happy Valley or what? How else to explain the sudden, Read More

WEST CHESTER, Penna. – Lamar Smith, chairman of the House of Representatives Judiciary Committee, is the latest winner of the Postcards from the Pug Bug Ass Hat of theMoment award. Mr. Smith (R-Texas) earned this highly influential prize by sponsoring a bill that encapsulates all that is cynical, imperialistic, and reprehensible about the attitudes of Read More

HOLLYWOOD, Calif. – What sort of dipshit thinks it’s “hysterically funny” to dress her three-year-old daughter as a hooker and shove her onstage before a nationwide television audience on something called Toddlers & Tiaras? How fucked in the head, how worthless in your own mind do you have to be to get off on using Read More

WEST CHESTER, Penna. — Hillary Clinton’s gal pal Elton John is the latest recipient of the Postcards from the Pug Bus Ass Hat of the Moment award. Mr. John—a portly, overbearing, needy little monstrosity in carnival drag—has long been more famous for his emotional outbursts, compulsive shopping, and substance abuse than for his melodies. (Think Read More

NEW YORK – While Michael Vick sits in jail trying to master the intricacies of checkers and the ins and outs of prison dating etiquette, he will surely take comfort in knowing that five of his most loyal homies have won the Ass Hat of the Moment award. Atlanta Falcons cornerbacks DeAngelo “Bad Newz” Hall Read More

LOS ANGELES – Ellen DeGeneres is the newest winner of the Postcards from the Pug Bus Ass Hat of the Moment award. Ms. DeGeneres, 49, copped the prestigious award for using the bully pulpit of her television chat show to put a self-serving spin on her disregard of an agreement she had signed with a Read More