Celebrities

LOS ANGELES – Jennifer Lopez claims she is tired of being stalked by “animal rights whack jobs at PETA” (People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals). The star of song, screen, and fashion told reporters yesterday that she has agreed to appear naked in a pro-fur ad sponsored by the Fur Education Council of America Read More

LONDON – Lindsay Lohan was rushed to hospital after she had collapsed and fallen under the weight of a ceramic teacup as she was climbing the stairs at retired Canadian pop star Bryan Adams’ mansion. Ms. Lohan required ten stitches to close a wound in her right shin after she had landed on a piece Read More

HOLLYWOOD – Celebutant Paris Hilton has appeared before a grand jury again, this time to testify that she was bilked by a man calling himself Howgul Abul Arhu, who claimed to be an accountant with the Nigerian National Petroleum Corporation. On Friday Ms. Hilton told a Los Angeles grand jury that even though she seldom Read More

HOLLYWOOD – Jessica Simpson spent Tuesday night at Hollywood’s storied Chateau Marmont, “the place where things happen.” Photos taken of Ms. Simpson as she entered the infamous hideaway in the evening and as she left the following morning suggest that something did indeed happen in the meantime. The question is what, and it begs several questions Read More

PARK CITY, Utah – Tom Cruise put the scissors down on his fiance Katie Holmes’ steamy sex scene in Jason Reitman’s Thank You for Smoking, a political comedy screened before a packed house at the Sundance Film Festival last Saturday. Most of the standing-room-only audience was there to see the virginal Holmes wearing nothing but a Read More

NEW YORK – Former Friends star Jennifer Aniston was named as “the principal contributing factor” in a divorce suit filed by Mrs. Coffee, wife of the popular coffee-making icon. The Coffees’ were married in 1973, the year Mr. Coffee skyrocketed to fame in the United States. Their marriage survived other disturbances, most notably Mr. Coffee’s flirtation with Read More

MALIBU – After months of speculation, fat jokes, separation rumors, and bad hair days, pop star Britney Spears finally broke down yesterday. Friends and famliy members say it’s a wonder she didn’t break down sooner. “She’s been driving herself too hard, trying to be mother, bread winner, and baby-sitter to her two children,” said one Read More

HOLLYWOOD – Spokespersons for Paris Hilton claim that the controversial celebutant will be “wholly and entirely exonerated” of allegations that she was drunk when she urinated in a taxi cab during a recent vacation on Maui. According to Ms. Hilton’s publicists, the towel a cab driver says he used to clean up after Ms. Hilton Read More

MALIBU, Calif. – Angelina Jolie is expected to confirm the arrival of her long rumored adopt-a-highway program today. The civic-minded actress said in a press release that the program is an attempt to “transcend the limitations of time and space” that constrain traditional adoptions, which are normally confined to children and animals. “Although I still Read More

LOS ANGELES – Colin Farrell’s latest attempt to stop the world from seeing the sex video he made with his former girlfriend Nicole Narain two years ago has people wondering what he’s trying to hide. Last summer Farrell obtained a court order preventing Narain from selling the video. Nevertheless copies of the video were offered Read More

WEST CHESTER, Penna. – Angelina Jolie’s shocking admission that Robert DeNiro is the biological father of her “adopted” son, Maddox, tops the First Annual Pug Bus New Year Predictions. “Why do you think she inflicted that godawful mohawk on the kid?” asked the Pug Bus’ resident seer, Pugnacious. “She wants him to look like a Read More

MIAMI – Tara Reid, the once promising star of American Pie, is rumored to be at risk for Soy Oil Lachrymosis (SOL), a potentially life threatening condition that affects women who have had breast augmentation surgery. While her legions of horrified fans look on, Reid’s mammary implants seem to be growing larger by the day. If Read More

HOLLYWOOD – Cameron Diaz filed a multi-million-dollar lawsuit against the KFC corporation in Los Angeles superior court. The suit alleges that Diaz developed flulike symptoms after eating a three-piece, leg-and-thigh, extra-crispy dinner earlier this month. Also named in the suit is the KFC outlet on Rodeo Drive, where Diaz purchased the dinner at the take-out Read More

BOSTON – Public opinion researchers at Harvard and MIT have confirmed a rumor that a Jennifer Aniston backlash is building across the United States. The first hint of the backlash appeared in The Chronicle of Higher Education on December 2. “What recently divorced actress is in danger of becoming so last year as a result of overexposure Read More

LONDON – Marriage has not mellowed Sir Elton John, who exchanged vows with his longtime lover, David Furnish, today. At his pre-wedding hen party Monday night, John, 58, called Madonna “a miserable cow” for not attending the cabaret-style bash. “She was probably too busy practicing her phony British accent,” said John. “It would serve her Read More