Celebrities

MALIBU, Calif. – Pop icon Britney Spears has vowed to stop wearing a bra in public and to refrain from having sex with her husband Kevin Federline until President George W. Bush brings U.S. troops home from Iraq. Spears told reporters outside a veterinarian’s office in Malibu earlier this week that she had gotten the Read More

HOLLYWOOD – Having had the pleasure of seeing The Truth About Diamonds, her first book, published, Nicole Richie told US Weekly that now that she understands “how books are made” she is less intimidated by them and “definitely” plans to read one soon. “I always thought people who wrote books were like supersmart,” said Richie before a book Read More

HOLLYWOOD – Scientologist Tom Cruise fired his sister and publicist, Lee Anne DeVette, yesterday after he had learned she is taking Lexapro, a popular antidepressant. DeVette’s drug use was discovered by Cruise’ fiance, Katie Holmes, who found a bottle of Lexapro in DeVette’s medicine cabinet last weekend while looking for an emery board. “We regret Read More

LONDON – Sex rat Jude Law is upset because studios have been offering him smaller and smaller parts ever since he was photographed in the nude by a paparazzo last summer at his mother’s villa in France. A photo of Law changing into swim trunks on what must have been an unseasonably cold August day Read More

HOLLYWOOD – Jessica Simpson told Psychology Today that she was extremely disappointed by her recent experience with therapy. The singer-actress claimed that relentless gossip about her marriage to Nick Lachey drove her to visit a therapist to find out if the rumors were true. “But all’s he did was ask me a lot of questions, how I Read More

NEW YORK – Adoptive mother Angelina Jolie paid a surprise visit to the ASPCA shelter yesterday. She was there, she told shelter employees, because she wanted to adopt a basenji, an African breed noted for its intelligence. Unfortunately, the shelter did not have any basenjis available. Nevertheless Ms. Jolie spent three hours being fingerprinted, answering Read More

WEST CHESTER, Penna. – Not satisfied to convert the world to Scientology one actress at a time—or “to take down the abomination that is psychiatry”—Tom Cruise has launched a war of the words against satire. Unfortunately for Chip Hilton, one of the most highly respected albeit psychologically fragile satirists writing today, Mr. Cruise elected to Read More

NEW YORK – Heather Mills McCartney, estranged wife of former Beatle and corporate tool Paul McCartney, was hopping mad following a violent confrontation with Jennifer Lopez’ security personnel at Lopez’ New York office Tuesday. The incident, which left Mills McCartney busier than a one-legged animal rights activist in a butt-kicking contest, began when Mills McCartney, Read More

NEW YORK – Michael Jackson’s birthday celebration in Dubai was dampened by the anouncement that Godiva Chocolatier is close to halting distribution of Candy, Little Boy?, the commemorative candy bar introduced when Jackson’s trial began earlier this year. The white chocolate confection boasts a creamy nougat center encased in a hard shell wreathed by strands Read More

MALIBU – Olivia Newton-John’s boyfriend, Patrick Kim McDermott, was found huddled under a blanket in Jennifer Aniston’s basement early this morning. McDermott, 48, who appeared to be healthy and unharmed, was discovered about 1:30 a.m. during a security sweep of the Friends star’s mansion by Malibu police. Aniston, 36, who is filming The Break Up Read More

LOS ANGELES – Keanu Reeves is privately telling friends he was stunned when he discovered that Diane Keaton, with whom he has been linked romantically, “is like way older” than he is. “When I read in US Weekly the other day that she was fifty-nine,” Reeves told one acquaintance, “I was like, ‘whoa, dude, no way she’s Read More

HOLLYWOOD – Angelina Jolie’s habit of never leaving home without at least one child in her arms or strapped to her person has finally attracted the attention of the mental health community. Writing in the current issue of TV Guide, Dr. Phil McGraw observed that Jolie is clearly suffering from a chronic case of Madonna Read More

HOLLYWOOD- Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes are expecting their first Scientologist next spring. Given the public displays of tonsil hockey put on by Cruise, 43, and Holmes, 26, in the world’s major capitals earlier this year, their announcement is about as surprising as Courtney Love revealing that she has another date with the jumper cables Read More

LOS ANGELES – As soon as heads of state learned that a California judge had signed off on Jennifer Aniston’s request for a divorce from Brad Pitt, messages of condolence from around the world began pouring into the offices of the once golden couple. “You have demonstrated a rare civility in this trying time,” wrote Read More

TOLLARD ROYAL – Lady Madonna Louise Ciccone is recovering her British accent “quite nicely, thank you,” said a spokeswoman for the American singer turned faux aristocrat. Lady Madonna temporarily lost her accent—in addition to cracking three ribs and breaking her collarbone and her hand—when she fell while riding on the 1,200-acre grounds of Ashcombe House, Read More