Celebrities

WASHINGTON, D.C. – Britney Spears is not working, says Democratic presidential frontrunner, Hillary Clinton, and its time to withdraw support for the fallen pop star, no matter what General David Petraeus says. “George Bush can send all the little tin soldiers he wants to Capitol Hill,” said Senator Clinton, “but he can’t camouflage the fact Read More

HOLLYWOOD – The long-awaited new Indiana Jones movie will not be called Indiana Jones and the Colonoscopy of Doom, despite Harrison Ford’s stumping on behalf of that title. Shia LaBeouf told reporters at the MTV Video Music Awards in Las Vegas last night that the next installment in the popular Indiana Jones series will be called Indiana Read More

LOS ANGELES – Vanessa Hudgens has more to apologize for than a few perky-breasted but otherwise virginal nude photos currently starring as the screen savers du jour of sticky-fingered Internet types, young and old, across the United States. The photos, it seems, were only the tit of the iceberg. Bed-headed geeks and freaks with dodgy Read More

BOSTON – Angelina Jolie is losing mass and cooling off at a significant rate, observers at the Massachusetts Institute of Technology (MIT) report. Their findings, which appear in the current issue of the journal Science, suggest that Ms. Jolie will cease to be a major star if she continues to shrink and to lose temperature at Read More

LOS ANGELES – Britney Spears filed a petition in a Los Angeles court yesterday seeking to change the names of her sons to William and Harry. According to Herb Webberstein, an attorney for Ms. Spears, “Britney feels she made a mistake when she named her boys Sean Preston and Jayden James. “She actually approached me Read More

WEST CHESTER, Penna. – If it’s August, Lindsay Lohan is selling magazines for Elle. For the second August in a row another issue of Elle featuring the fully loaded Herbie star hits the newsstands, but what a difference a year makes. This time around Ms. Lohan is on the defensive, assuring Elle‘s readers not only that the paparazzi are Read More

WEST CHESTER, Penna. – Lindsay Lohan rules the screen in Tri Star Pictures I Know Who Killed Me in which she plays Aubrey Fleming, an aspiring actress attending college in New Salem, a small but idyllic college town. Aubrey, who bears a startling resemblance to a troubled young actress named Dakota Moss, disappears one night on her Read More

LOS ANGELES – Lindsay Lohan, who was arrested for cocaine possession and driving under the influence of alcohol Tuesday, has been cleared of the cocaine charge, according to a member of the Los Angeles Police Department. “After reading Lindsay’s email to Billy Bush at Access Hollywood, the one where she said it wasn’t her cocaine we Read More

LOS ANGELES – Lindsay Lohan was arrested for DUI and cocaine possession yesterday, offenses that are, coincidentally, quite similar to the ones that occasioned her surrender to the Beverly Hills police six days ago. “Lindsay fell off the wagon and was dragged a few blocks,” said her representative, Leslie Sloan Zelnick-Sloan, “but she is in Read More

LOS ANGELES – The Spice Girls are reuniting for a world tour, and we can thank Tom Cruise for that. The diminutive actor is rumored to have stepped in and brokered the reunion deal after negotiations between Geri Halliwell (Old Spice) and the rest of the group had broken down. Ms. Halliwell, 34, left the Read More

LOS ANGELES – Larry King was the surprise winner of the bidding war for the right to conduct Paris Hilton’s initial post-jail interview. The veteran talk show host and natural-supplements advocate will bank $1.5 million in return for devoting his entire show to the “new” Paris Hilton tonight. “I’ve talked to Paris and, believe me, Read More

LOS ANGELES – Like many prisoners with time on their hands, Paris Hilton found god in jail. Ms. Hilton, 26, made the lord’s acquaintance in the Century Regional Detention Center in Lynwood, California, where she served most of a twenty-three day sentence for violating the terms of her drunk-driving probation by operating a motor vehicle Read More

NEW ORLEANS – Angelina Jolie believes the decision to eliminate her nude, steamy sex scenes from A Mighty Heart “cost this extremely important, serious movie the audience that it and I deserved.” A Mighty Heart describes the search for Wall Street Journal reporter Daniel Pearl, who was kidnapped and ultimately beheaded in Pakistan five years ago. An ardently sensitive film Read More

WEST CHESTER, Penna. – Postcards from the Pug Bus, southeastern Pennsylvania’s leading celebrity satire website, has called for a Britney Spears news blackout. Site founder and editor in briefs, Phil Maggitti, threw down the gauntlet yesterday afternoon, frightening his Boston terrier and nearly spilling a tall decaf latte in the process. “We haven’t written about Read More