Celebrities

NEW YORK – Neil Patrick Harris let both Bruno Maglis drop in a recent interview with People magazine. The boyish-looking thirty-three-year-old actor revealed not only that he is gay but also that Doogie Howser, M.D., the kid-genius he played in the television series of the same name, was gay. “Doogie and I

LOS ANGELES – Be afraid, ye sons and daughters of Xenu. Be fearful of your fate, ye glib commentators and disciples of false prophets. Bow down, ye prescription drug addicts and practitioners of psychiatry. Tom Cruise has sucked the brains out of United Artists’ corporate leaders, who have turned control

MALIBU – Britney Spears has joined President Bush, Hillary Clinton, and the Swift Boat Veterans for Truth in demanding an apology from failed presidential candidate John F. Kerry (D-Mass.) for remarks he made at California’s Pasadena City College earlier this week. In one of the first statements released since she

WILMINGTON, Del. – News of the Reese Witherspoon-Ryan Phillippe breakup has sent tremors through the state of Delaware, “The Home of Tax-Free Shopping” and the birthplace of Mr. Phillippe. Throughout the First State—from Rehoboth Beach in the south, where gay congressmen and their pages frolic in the summer ocean, to

LOS ANGELES – The pending obituary of actress and author Nicole Richie was updated this week after The Simple Life costar had checked into a treatment facility that specializes in helping celebrities to gain weight. This routine obituary maintenance occurs whenever a celebrity gets married, divorced, engaged, unengaged, caught cheating, outed, arrested

CHICAGO – Audience members at the taping of The Oprah Show yesterday expected to see Madonna explain via satellite from London why she is right and everyone who criticizes her adoption of a thirteen-month-old Malawi child is wrong. They weren’t disappointed. They were surprised, however, when Oprah announced at the end of

LONDON – Disturbing new charges of mental and emotional abuse have been leveled at Paul McCartney by his estranged second wife, Heather Mills. The charges were contained in an addendum to a thirteen-page court document filed previously by Ms. Mills, said London’s Daily Mail. A copy of the original document was

CHICAGO – Jennifer Aniston is either pregnant or in denial about her breakup with Vince Vaughn, or possibly both. These conflicting reports emerged following Ms. Aniston’s appearance at a taping for The Oprah Winfrey Show last week. They were provided by moles who had attended the taping at the request of several

HOLLYWOOD – Hoping to establish themselves as mature actresses and to patch up their friendship, Lindsay Lohan and Jessica Simpson have agreed to appear in The Vagina Dialogues. The new, two-woman play by Harvard dropout Kaavya Viswanathan is scheduled to open on Broadway next summer. The Vagina Dialogues tells the story of

BOSTON – According to reports published in the current issues of the journals Nature and Science, a new comparison of the genetic blueprints of chimpanzees and humans shows that a mere sliver of DNA separates Courtney Love and other celebrities from chimps. The controversial reports are based on a genome-mapping project funded by

MALIBU – Jennifer Aniston and Vince Vaughn have separated after failing to agree about the kind of child they should adopt, reports US Weekly. Friends of the couple are saying, however, that Ms. Aniston and Mr. Vaughn could not agree on the species they should adopt. “Vince was thinking an African

WEST CHESTER, Penna. – Once again George Clooney is whining about all the attention he gets from paparazzi, and once again he’s mad as hell and he’s not going to take it anymore. Boy George told Vanity Fair in his usual self-important way that he has developed a “theory on debunking photographs

LOS ANGELES – Hoping to squelch rumors that their relationship has hit the skid marks, and to capitalize on the success of Mr. & Mrs. Smith, Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt have agreed to star as Mr. & Mrs. Beowulf in the big-budget musical-thriller of the same name. Mr. & Mrs. Beowulf is

LOS ANGELES – Hoping to squelch rumors that their relationship has hit the skid marks, and to capitalize on the success of Mr. & Mrs. Smith, Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt have agreed to star as Mr. & Mrs. Beowulf in the big-budget musical-thriller of the same name. Mr. & Mrs. Beowulf is