Culture

BOSTON, Mass. – Portly singles kicked off the elite dating site BeautifulPeople.com, the self-proclaimed “sexiest website in the world today,” are not taking their dismissal lying down. Many of the 5,000 people who were ruled off the site for porking up over the holidays are launching a new dating site called PrettyFaces.com. “I was like, Read More

WEST CHESTER, Pa.—Jesus once said, “The porn you will always have with you.” He was right. In fact, porn is multiplying faster than the loaves and fishes. Last year more than 5.5 billion hours of porn were consumed on Pornhub, the world’s largest porn gallery. Thirty-five percent of all internet downloads are porn-related (WebRoot). Porn Read More

MORGANTOWN, Penna. – The recent decline in the value of Wal-Mart stock has decimated company morale, threatened the social fabric of many small communities, and led thousands of Wal-Mart employees to seek other career opportunities. Wal-Mart shares dropped nearly 4 percent on Thursday, threatening their four-and-a-half-year low set in late April, and Wal-Mart employees are Read More

WEST CHESTER, Penna. – Despite their widespread use, parental controls have been a disappointment as a means of empowering children to control their parents’ Internet and television viewing. According to Victoria Dumars, a spokeswoman for the Consortium for a Sound Intellect in New York (CSI-New York), “Parents are very resourceful when it comes to evading Read More

ATLANTA, Ga.–The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDCP) has issued a purple alert, its highest consumer warning, over the spread of naked yoga breast feeding (NYBF). The practice, which first appeared two years ago after the photo at left had gone postal on the Internet, has been responsible for “an alarming number of injuries Read More

WEST CHESTER, Penna. – Contrary to popular opinion–and to the creators of My Name Is Earl–karma is not about payback, nor is it about living right so you don’t come back as a port-o-potty in the next life, and it sure as hell ain’t about some Great Score Keeper in the sky. Karma was invented more Read More

WEST CHESTER, Pa.–Roger Stamen is not shy about declaring his preference in sexual partners. “Plants get me off,” says Mr. Stamen, a self-employed landscape gardener. “They always have, ever since I was a kid. When other guys were masturbating to Penthouse or Beaver, I was hunched over the latest issue of Horticulture magazine.” Sitting at Read More

CHADDS FORD, Penn. – Acting on a tip from a local animal rights activist, police and SPCA officers raided the home of longtime pug figurine collector Dotsie Kerrigan, 67, yesterday. As horrified neighbors in the exclusive development of Chadds Ford Knoll looked on, police removed more than 250 pug figurines from Kerrigan’s $850,000 mock Tudor Read More

WEST GOSHEN TWP, Pa.–Karma, the law of moral causation, was invented more than 2,500 years ago in Northern India to answer troubling questions about the inequalities of life. People wanted to know, for example, why one person had separate houses for his family and his animals while another person shared his bed and sometimes his wife Read More

Malvern, PA—Devin Maddox, a senior tax accountant, uses medical marijuana (MMJ) to help manage his Crohn’s disease. When a doctor approved him for an MMJ license, Mr. Maddox signed a standard consent form agreeing not to use MMJ “for recreational purposes.” After several visits to his local dispensary, however, he has begun to suspect that Read More

NEW YORK—Hormel Foods, makers of Spam, announced yesterday that it has added edible swimwear to the ever-growing catalog of novelty gift items made in the image and likeness of the popular foodstuff. According to Hormel’s chief information officer, Gloria Silverman, “SPAM swimwear is the first item in what is expected to be a long line Read More

NEW YORK—Walmart Inc [NYSE: WMT, 116.92, ▲ 0.90 (0.78%)] announced yesterday that it will begin selling CBD-infused dental dams in all its retail outlets by September 25. The move is seen by industry analysts as an attempt to boost dental dam sales—an attempt, if you will, to encourage Walmart customers to put their money where Read More

BLOOMINGTON, Ind.—Researchers at the Kinsey Institute of Sex and Public Policy at Indiana University report that millennials cannot agree on what they mean when they say they’ve “had sex.” This conclusion was based on phone interviews with a random sample of 204 men and 282 women born between 1983 and 2000. Most were heterosexual, though Read More

In its September issue, which has been out since mid-June, High Times magazine ran sponsored content pimping CBD oil as a cure for menstrual distress. We generally don’t put much stock in sponsored content or on websites that feature it—and we have noticed a determined effort from High Times to court female readers—nevertheless we thought Read More