Culture

WEST CHESTER, Penna. – Political commentator and steamy, right-wing sex goddess Ann Coulter has never been loath to use her sexuality or her febrile tongue to sell books. She called used-to-be-presidential-candidate John Edwards a faggot, insinuated that Hillary Clinton is a “flabby-ass dyke,” suggested that widows of 9/11 victims “would go without panties to their Read More

SAN FRANCISCO—On Valentine’s Day the Bay Area Gender Benders will host the first annual JonBenét Ramsey Young Trannies Beauty Pageant. Open to innocent children between the ages of four and eight, the Young Trannies pageant will feature talent, fancy dress, and self-defense competitions. “It’s never too early to foster positive gender images or to let Read More

NEW YORK—Richard B. Spencer, who has been called the Golden Boy of the Alt-Right, will adorn the cover of GQ’s February 2017 (Valentine Day) issue. The handsome, natty, and oh-so-controversial Mr. Spencer, who seeks to spread the gospel of white nationalism, is already spreading the gospel that “Neo-Nazis” are a far cry sartorially from their goose-stepping, Read More

NEW YORK—According to Consumer Reports 2015 Road Rage Survey, the most likely road rage perpetrator this year was a male between thirty-five and fifty driving a blue, late-model BMW on a Tuesday afternoon at roughly 5:45. This is the second year in row that BMW is the road rage vehicular weapon of choice. Range Rover and Audi Read More

WASHINGTON, D.C.–The National Council for Transgender Equality (NCTE) charged today that Time magazine’s choice of the clitoris as its 2015 Person of the Year “invalidates the narratives” of thousands of transgender women around the world. “By conferring this award on the clitoris,” said the NCTE, “Time mocks transgender women everywhere, who are not considered part of this award Read More

WEST GOSHEN, Pa.—The West Goshen Vegan Alliance (WGVA), a militant culinary rights group, is holding a special Fat Chance Supper on Saturday October 17 to commemorate the passing of Chef Paul Prudhomme, who is alleged to have created the turducken, “a hideous monstrosity” comprising a deboned chicken shoved inside a deboned duck, which is, in Read More

WEST CHESTER, Pa.–Atheism is the quickest-growing non-religion in the United States. To celebrate this glorious fact, we are pleased to introduce a series of articles of, by, for, and about atheists. We begin with “Ask Nietzsche, Advice for Atheists,” a column designed to help atheists who find themselves caught in the sticky wickets often created Read More

LONDON – In a recent study conducted by the National Centre for Social Research, nine out of ten Britons were unable to identify Pippa Middleton’s ass in a mock police lineup. The 587 randomly selected individuals who took part in the study ranged in age from twenty-one to sixty-five. The group included men, women, gays, Read More

WEST CHESTER, Pa.–Al Covington is the picture of confidence as he sits at a table outside the Iron Hill restaurant on a hot July afternoon. He glances occasionally at a passer-by between bites of his Jerry Garcia wood fired, artisanal pizza, and talks about his new attitude. “I’m definitely at the top of my game Read More

WEST CHESTER, Penna. – When President Obama said that America had been “lazy” for the past few decades, he was talking about our national language scandal. Americans, the president said, are too lazy to search for the home run utterance; they settle instead for a cheap single up the middle; and that, boys and girls, Read More

WEST CHESTER, Penna. – Surprised by some users’ reactions to the pornographic and violent images that appeared on Facebook recently, officials at the site are considering an adults-only version of Facebook, tentatively called Fuckbook. “To be honest,” said one Facebook official who asked to remain anonymous, “our site is the depository of dull. We’re nothing Read More

WEST CHESTER, Penna. – Countless people have come to grief for comparing someone to Adolph Hitler. The latest, Chef Mario Batali, compared Wall Street executives to Hitler at a Time magazine panel recently. “The ways the bankers have kind of toppled the way money is distributed and taken most of it into their hands is as good Read More

ATLANTA, Geo. – The third shoe and a ten-foot stack of pizza boxes have fallen on presidential candidate Herman Cain. For the last three days Mr. Cain, 65, has been tap dancing like a fool trying to stamp out the rekindled embers of sexual harassment charges brought against him by two women during his term Read More