Culture

WEST CHESTER, Penna. – The message of Michael Moore’s Sicko, that the health-care-system deck in this country is stacked against poor people, is belied by the ethically questionable campaign of the film’s distributor, the Weinstein Company, to deny access to “their” film and its empowering message to anyone who can’t afford the price of admission. The Read More

NEW HOLLAND, Penna. – Members of the Six-fingered Amish Church of the Propane Redeemer in New Holland, Pennsylvania, celebrated the Third Annual Summer Stoltzfus today. The celebration, which began at 2:46 a.m. and will last until sundown, is designed to counteract the “pagan influence” of Summer Solstice festivals held across the United States. The venerable Read More

NEWARK, N.J. – Tony Soprano was sighted late Tuesday night leaving Satin Dolls, the gentlemen’s club on Route 17 in Lodi, New Jersey, where scenes that took place at the Bada Bing strip joint in The Sopranos had been filmed. “He looked good, man,” said Mario Fenestra, who reported the sighting to the Newark Star Ledger, the newspaper Read More

NEW YORK – An executive for the A&E Television Network promises that its version of The Sopranos final episode, “Made in America,” originally broadcast on HBO last Sunday, “will be much more satisfying” than David Chase’s ambiguous closing that left so many viewers with their skivvies up their cracks. “This is still a Christian nation, thank God,” Read More

NEW YORK – Republican presidential candidate Rudolph “Rudy the Skull” Giuliani meets an untimely fate in the final episode of The Sopranos. The former New York mayor is gunned down while dining at Umberto’s, a restaurant popular with mobsters, in the city’s Little Italy section. According to Ralph “Jimmy the Fish” Pescatore, who portrays Mr. Giuliani Read More

SEATTLE – Starbucks will introduce McTwee, a new flavor of camellia sinensis, commonly known as tea, as part of its upcoming International Paul McCartney Day celebrations on Tuesday June 5. In addition to playing Mr. McCartney’s new CD, Memory Almost Full, all day long at more then ten thousand Starbucks outlets in twenty-nine countries and territories Read More

LONDON – According to someone named “Christopher” writing on The Leaky Cauldron website, Tony Soprano will die in the final Harry Potter book, Harry Potter And The Deathly Hallows. “Tony lures Furio Giunta back from Italy in order to get revenge on him,” writes Christopher, “because Tony’s had a hard on for Furio ever since Carmella Read More

LOS ANGELES – Former on-air personality Don Imus has been tipped to star with Tom Cruise in Talkback Mountain, the story of a radio talk show host of the same name who is run out of a small Western town after he mocks the sheriff’s handicapped daughter during a live remote from the town’s annual chili Read More

CORNISH FLATS, N.H. – Adult Internet content, which includes but is not limited to bumping uglies in pairs and in groups, bestiality, pedophilia, necrophilia, and the Bush twins’ webcam, will not get its own dot-xxx address on the World Wide Web; and the folks who merchant this sort of entertainment could not be happier. “Let Read More

NEW YORK – The approaching release of The Number 23, starring Jim Carey and Virginia Madsen, has created a furor in the ranks of the normally staid numerical community. The advance publicity for this brooding psychological thriller, which opens Friday, February 23, figures to turn 23 into a cult phenomenon, and that is sure to dominate Read More

LOS ANGELES – Bindi Irwin, daughter of the late Australian “Crocodile Hunter” Steve Irwin, is being groomed for super-stardom, say entertainment industry insiders, who see her as the second coming of Britney Spears. The scarily self-assured Ms. Irwin, 8, launches her American showbiz career this week with a series of high-profile television appearances and record Read More

MALIBU – Mel Gibson is set to star as Saddam Hussein in Iraq to the Future, a small-budget indie film about life in Iraq as it might have been if “the United States had pursued a course of diplomacy instead of destruction.” Mr. Gibson will also write, produce, and direct this film. Best known for his Read More

LOS ANGELES – George Clooney’s been on the morning squawk shows of late bragging in his insufferably smug-yet-wooden way about how he drank that poor, misshapen troll Danny DeVito under the table last week in New York’s venerable Italian restaurant Scalinatella. That’s some feat, Boy George. You da man! DeVito’s all of four-foot-ten in his Read More

WEST CHESTER, Penna. – While other celebrity news sources were in a feeding frenzy, scrambling to find the latest crumbs in the Clay Aiken, Kelly Ripa, Rosie O’Donnell food fight, Postcards from the Pug Bus, the leading source of online celebrity satire in all of Southeastern Pennsylvania, was quietly pondering the seminal question in this Read More

WEST CHESTER, Penna. – After viewing Jackass: Number Two, the chief cleric of the Mosque of the Sacred Jihad called on Muslims in West Chester and around the world to bring down “the all-consuming wrath of Allah upon those who support this unspeakably perverted Western, homoerotic filth.” Quoting liberally from the darker passages of the Koran Read More