Culture

NEW YORK – Katie Couric, the first solo evening news anchor who’s ever had a colonoscopy on live television, admitted on her initial broadcast, Tuesday, that she was SOL for a clever sign-off line. Ms. Couric, also the first solo evening news anchor who’s ever had a mammogram on live television, has vowed to give Read More

MARIETTA, Ga. – The death of former beauty queen JonBenet Ramsey has been called a suicide by her mother, Patsy, who died of ovarian cancer Saturday at the age of forty-nine. The stunning revelation came in a certified letter, which was accompanied by JonBenet’s alleged suicide note. Patsy Ramsey had mailed the letter to her Read More

MORGANTOWN, Penna. – Moviegoers at the Tri-County Multiplex rushed the screen during the 7:20 showing of United 93 Saturday night, shouting “let’s roll” and “death to all towel heads.” While most of the audience sat praying in its seats and some persons tried to phone loved ones, dozens of enraged persons ran down the aisles of theater Read More

CAMBRIDGE, Mass. – Harvard sophomore Kaavya Viswanathan, 19, blames acid reflux for the numerous and striking similarities between her chick-lit novel, How Opal Mehta Got Kissed, Got Wild and Got a Life, and two books by Megan McCafferty: Sloppy Firsts and Second Helpings. In an interview yesterday at the office of Little, Brown and Company, her publisher, Ms. Viswanathan Read More

HOLLYWOOD – Lindsay Lohan as Wonder Woman; Sasha Cohen as an actress; Reese Witherspoon as all three of Buck Owens’ wives in Hee Haw the Line. It could happen, and don’t say we didn’t warn you if it does. Ms. Lohan wants to show her acting range; Ms. Cohen wants a career where makeovers are allowed; Read More

LOS ANGELES – Special Delivery, the much anticipated biracial romance starring Colin Farrell and former playmate Nicole Narain, fails to keep the viewer’s interest up despite grinding, albeit sincere, performances by its co-stars—and a surprise spin at the end. Farrell and Narain try mightily to flesh out their roles with locker room banter and single entendre Read More

WEST CHESTER, Penna. – Not for nothing did Marah release an album this year entitled If You Didn’t Laugh, You’d Cry. It was that kind of year, people, a jingle-jangle phantasmagoria of sights, sounds, and silliness; nonsense, nonesuch, and no-brainers. I wouldn’t have believed it if I hadn’t seen it. Some days art was hard pressed Read More

WEST CHESTER, Penna. – Jessica Simpson has finalized her plan for taking advantage of the extra second—or leap second—that will be added to clocks around the world at the stroke of midnight on December 31. The recently separated singer-actress told reporters she will use the time “writing a post-nuptial agreement to protect my interests after Read More

LAS VEGAS – A large number of suspicious wagers placed on Sportsbook.com have revealed that Time magazine’s editors have selected King Kong as the news weekly’s person of the year. Time‘s choice was made public after “suspicious betting activity” led the proprietors of Sportsbook.com, the online wager house, to shut down betting on who or what would Read More

NEW YORK – Rolling Stone magazine has finally acknowledged what Postcards from the Pug Bus told its readers nearly seven months ago: the music-and-fashion magazine, in conjunction with St. Martin’s Press, will publish the rambling, often profane, 352-page suicide note left behind by Hunter S. Thompson after he had blown his brains on February 20. According to Rolling Read More

ASPEN, Colo. – Johnny Depp will interrupt filming of the second through fifth sequels of Pirates of the Caribbean to read selected passages from Hunter S. Thompson’s 352-page suicide note at an invitation-only memorial service for the late author. Depp, currently starring as a Michael Jackson look-alike in Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, funded the construction of the Read More

CORNISH FLATS, N.H. – The Internet Police approved a scheme yesterday that will create a virtual red-light district in cyberspace. Known by the catchy code name Hooterville, this plan will establish a new class of web addresses, .xxx, that will be available to all pornographic websites. According to the terms of the Hooterville plan, a pornographic website Read More