Music

SAN FRANCISCO – An attic’s worth of memories associated with the Grateful Dead or its leader, Jerry Garcia, fetched high dollar at auction Tuesday. According to Bonhams & Butterfields Auctioneers, enthusiastic Grateful Dead fans, “many of whom appeared to be in an altered state of consciousness,” spent more than $10.1 million for items ranging from Read More

WEST CHESTER, PA—British rocker Rod Stewart was born seventy-two years ago today. American singer Francis Wayne Sinatra (a/k/a/ “Frank Sinatra Jr”), who died last year at the age of seventy-one, was also born on January 10. To celebrate that coincidence, Mr. Stewart released a free-to-download CD of Frank Jr’s “best loved songs” early this morning—along Read More

WASHINGTON, D.C. – Blackwater USA, the rogue security company accused of sport killing innocent civilians in Iraq, has agreed to provide “tactical enforcement capabilities” for the RIAA (Recording Industry Association of America). “We are proud to be working with the RIAA,” said Blackwater founder, Erik Prince, on 60 Minutes Sunday night. “Every time a scumbag college kid Read More

LONDON—Complications surrounding singer Roger Daltrey’s hair have forced The Who to postpone a North American tour that had been scheduled to begin on September 24 in Portland, Oregon. According to a press release issued by the band’s Who’s Left productions, Mr. Daltrey’s hair, 71, contracted follicular meningitis and was ordered by a doctor to rest. Read More

READING, Pa.–Taylor Swift has been placed under a suicide watch by concerned members of her entourage, the Pug Bus learned today. The popular, six-foot-tall singer-songwriter has been sideswiped by increasingly severe and frequent panic attacks that have played havoc with her mental health and with her ability to write revenge songs. “Taylor is so terrified Read More

Dear Mick, Keith, Charlie, and the New Guy,I have learned recently that you geezers might be touring next year. Please don’t. In the name of all that’s wrinkled, wizened, and way past its prime—namely you sorry git—take a minute to stop and think about what you’re doing. You look like shite; you sound like shite. Read More

NEW YORK – Once again an attorney for Lil’ Wayne has requested a postponement of the rapscallion’s jail sentencing for attempted gun possession. The sentencing had been scheduled originally for last month, but Judge Charles H. Solomon agreed to a request for a postponement because Lil’ Wayne needed eight root canals and complex dental-implant work. Read More

NEW YORK — The RIAA (Recording Industry Association of America) has lowered the bar in its war against music piracy. In a surprising legal maneuver the RIAA slapped a four-month-old fetus with a Baby Doe warrant for being an accessory to its mother’s illegal downloading of three Trout Fishing in America CDs and several other Read More

Dave Matthews, Bruce Springsteen, and a host of musicians who have appeared with folk singer Pete Seeger during the last few years have admitted they were “only pretending to like” the ninety-year-old Seeger and his music. “At first we were like, who invited the old guy,” said one musician who did not wish to be Read More

A German Klaus Harmony tribute band calling themselves the Wondercrotchens is scheduled to rock the 2011 Super Bowl, according to a National Football League spokesperson. Their appearance will mark the first ever performance by a tribute band at the Super Bowl. “We have featured every aging rock group who could still wheel themselves on stage,” Read More

DUBLIN – Irish singer and curmudgeon Van Morrison has filed for intellectual bankruptcy, according to a notice published on his official website—The Gospel According to St. Van. The famously gruff singer-songwriter informed his fans that he hasn’t had a worthwhile musical idea since 1972 and that he’s tired of recycling the same three riffs, though Read More

DUBLIN – U2 frontman, Bono, has been accused by his band mates of leaking the group’s new album, No Line on the Horizon, well in advance of its March 3 release date. The charges were leveled as the new album became widely available on BitTorrent and file sharing websites early this week. “The needy little Read More

LONDON – What is it about a dead genius which attracts such frenzied speculation? Examine the myths surrounding any icon and a conspiracy theory is never far away. Never was this more true than in the case of Klaus Harmony, the German maestro of erotik cinema or, as he is more popularly known, the “Mozart Read More

WASHINGTON, D.C. – The RIAA (Recording Industry Association of America) has fingered consumers who play CDs repeatedly as “the single greatest secret threat” to recording industry profits. The industry watchdog group is suggesting, therefore, that record labels take steps to limit the number of times a CD can be played in the home. RIAA President Read More

LONDON – Singer Amy Winehouse, 24, has announced that she is canceling all personal hygiene activities—even down to having her beehive steam cleaned—until her husband, Blake Fielder-Civil, is released from London’s Pentonville prison. Reading from a statement scribbled on a greasy fish-and-chips sack, Ms. Winehouse told reporters outside her house yesterday, “I can’t give it Read More