News

NEW YORK—When Consumer Reports conducted research for its 2015 road rage survey, published on December 31 last year, the magazine included for the first time questions about other forms of rage that sully our lives. “Road rage gets the headlines because it’s more sexy than other kinds of rage,” said Edward Bennett, CR’s director of consumer research, “but Read More

COLUMBIA, Mo.—Poop Swastika Truthers took one in the shorts recently with the release of a University of Missouri police department report confirming that someone did indeed grab a handful of shit and draw a swastika on a co-ed bathroom wall in a university dorm. The swastika, whose existence had been questioned by various right-wing media Read More

As though to acknowledge that fashion is indeed the universal language, Globus® and other purveyors of European package tours have added Wibbese, Jamal, and half a dozen other picturesque, rural German villages to their spring itineraries. The move, says Globus® marketing director Earl Witherspoon, is our way of saying that fashion trumps ideology in the Read More

HARRISBURG, Pa.—During an interview broadcast yesterday on CBS 21 News in Harrisburg, Pennsylvania, Republican Governor Tom Corbett was asked by anchor person Sherry Christian about a statement made by his lawyers comparing the marriage of a gay couple to the marriage of a pair of twelve-year-olds. Gov. Corbett, 64, who faces a tough re-election challenge Read More

PARMA, Italy–Guido Barilla, chairman of the Barilla Group, the world’s leading pasta manufacturer, announced yesterday that his company plans to introduce a “boutique” pasta line known as Regina early next year. A pun on an Italian slang term meaning queen or homosexual, the Regina brand will cater to “the type of people—reginas and lesbiche—not permitted in traditional Barilla advertising,” said Read More

FOSTER CITY, Ca.–A study conducted by the National Association to Advance Fat Acceptance (NAAFA) reveals that obesity is no longer an impediment to committing crimes such as bullying and sexual harassment. The availability of high speed Internet connections now puts these and other “mobility-friendly” crimes within the reach of obese and even morbidly obese people Read More

WEST CHESTER, Pa.–A local pastor warns that when President Obama addresses the nation Tuesday night, he will be selling not only a war on Syria but also his vision of an America ruled by sharia law, which decrees, among other things, that “jihad is the duty of every Muslim and Muslim head of state (caliph)” Read More

PITTSBURGH, Pa.–Duquesne University students circulated a Facebook petition early last week, urging school administrators not to allow Geraldo Rivera to participate in an upcoming panel discussion marking the 50th anniversary of JFK’s assassination. By week’s end the petition had been signed by more than three thousand students, 30 percent of the total graduate and undergraduate Read More

BANGKOK(AP)– The National Security Agency (NSA) is claiming to have played “a major role” in helping police in Thailand to break up a gang that had provided false identification papers for fourteen elephants, a spokesperson for the organization told the Associated Press. Speaking over a secure channel via Skype on condition of anonymity, the spokesperson Read More

SANFORD, Fla.–George Zimmerman, recently acquitted of sixteen charges brought against him in the shooting death of an unarmed black youth, is now being criticized for fraudulent heroism. Six days ago Mr. Zimmerman, 29, helped to rescue a family of four trapped in a burning, overturned SUV, according to ABC News. Although national reports of the Read More

DETROIT – The city of Detroit’s recent bankruptcy filing is owed in no small part to shifts in tastes among devotees of autoeroticism in the United States. Autoeroticism—the act of sexual congress with the tail pipe of an automobile—enjoyed a sustained spurt of popularity following the September 2006 release of Jackass 2, in which Dev-O gets Read More

WASHINGTON, D.C. – Trayvon Martin, whose only crime was winning a fight, will be a winner in death thanks to the United States Postal Service, which will issue a Trayvon Martin commemorative stamp on September 1. The handsome stamp, bearing the iconic likeness of Mr. Martin dressed in a hoodie, will be introduced at a Read More

WASHINGTON, D.C. – The National Security Agency (NSA) announced this morning that it had foiled “a massive terrorist plot” to disrupt the 150th reenactment of the Battle of Gettysburg, held on July 4-7 at Gettysburg, Pennsylvania. A spokesman for the embattled spy organization, speaking on condition of anonymity, told the Associated Press that the NSA Read More

Amanda Knox: My Life, My Card My name . . . Amanda Knox nickname . . . Foxy Knoxy© perfect day . . . not coming home to a dead roommate greatest disappointment . . . not being able to finish sleeping my way around Italy childhood ambition . . . that my childhood be Read More