Politics

WASHINGTON–Although he has not been able to persuade Congress to give him permission to bomb Syria, President Obama demonstrated yesterday that a president, no matter how beleaguered, still has some juice up his sleeve. In a brief ceremony held in the Rose Garden, the president issued an executive order changing the name of the Tomahawk Read More

WASHINGTON–In a move that critics say is calculated to detract from the cluster fuck that passes for his Syria policy, President Obama signed an executive order yesterday authorizing gas stations and bars to begin offering flu shots. The order is an addendum to the Patient Protection and Affordable Care Act, the cluster fuck known as Read More

WASHINGTON–Demonstrating a seldom-seen willingness to engage with members of Congress on a personal level, President Barack Obama invited lawmakers who vote “yea” on his proposed bombing of Syria to attend a bipartisan White House screening of that event. According to the White House, all 535 members of Congress have received a party-style invitation via email, Read More

WASHINGTON‐House Republicans, who have been accused of being racists for wanting to impeach President Obama, have issued their strongest denial of that charge to date. In fact, it is their first denial because Republicans who want to impeach the president know it’s pointless to deny charges of racism. A new impeachment-talking-points memo recently leaked to Read More

WEST CHESTER, Pa.–The Pug Bus learned overnight that President Barack Obama has unfriended Russian president Vladimir Putin on Facebook in retaliation for Mr. Putin’s offering temporary asylum to Edward Snowden. The news sent shock waves through the Facebook and international communities, triggering speculation of a return to Cold War status between the two nations. “This Read More

WEST CHESTER, Penna. – Cornel West is on a roll. The silver-tongued, fuzzy-headed, musty-looking Princetonian has been arrested twice in the last seven days. What’s more, according to a communication he sent to this website yesterday, he hasn’t taken his last ride in a paddy wagon yet. Dr. West, 58, emailed a list of his Read More

AL-ASAD AIR BASE, Iraq – President Bush made a surprise visit to the Al Asad Air Base in the Anbar province of Iraq Monday morning. “Shit yeah, it was a surprise all right,” said a top White House aide under promise of anonymity. “We told him he was going to Texas. You should have seen Read More

    WASHINGTON–The much-anticipated rollout of Obamacare had its lighter moments yesterday when thousands of Americans who went shopping for health-care coverage online were routed to a porn site instead. Administration officials acknowledged late last night that they were “aware of the situation” and were working to correct it. Meanwhile a spokesman for Health and Read More

WASHINGTON, D.C. – Having asked Congress for three trillion dollars to bail out banks, mortgage scofflaws, the educational system, health care, and the Recording Industry Association of America, President Barack Obama is poised to announce as early as next week his plan to bail out a Portuguese water dog from an animal shelter. “We have Read More

WASHINGTON, D.C. – President Barack Obama warned yesterday that the United States faces “a critical shortfall of gravity” brought on by the failed gravitational policies of the past. “The United States, which is home to 5 percent of the world’s population, consumes nearly 60 percent of its gravity,” the president explained. “The air travel involved Read More

CORNISH, NH—Hillary Clinton told customers at a local diner this morning that she regrets not being “more aggressive” in courting the biracial vote during the year-and-a-half run up to the Iowa presidential caucuses. “We underestimated the potential of the biracial vote in Iowa,” said Ms. Clinton. “We didn’t reach out to people of mixed racial Read More