Politics

WASHINGTON – President George W. Bush told reporters yesterday that “a top-secret domestic spying program” had foiled a plot to disrupt Wednesday’s Grammy Awards ceremony. According to the president, the intercepted communications that led to the discovery of the plot were “among the first fruits of Operation Homeland Harvest,” a new domestic spying program. Unlike Read More

WASHINGTON, D.C. – Frank, the pug dog who starred in Men in Black, delivered the official canine response to President George W. Bush’s state of the union address yesterday. Speaking through an interpreter, Frank accused the president of exploiting “that dumb-ass German shepherd Rex,” who attended the state of the union address at the invitation of Read More

WEST CHESTER, Penna. – Nearly one out of three respondents to the latest Postcards from the Pug Bus poll believe members of the paparazzi are engaged in domestic spying for President Bush. The poll, conducted between January 11 and 21, has a 3 percent margin of error. The percentage of respondents who believed the paparazzi Read More

WASHINGTON, D.C. – In an unprecedented step the White House released a classified report detailing the results of an eavesdropping campaign conducted in an Internet chat room. The chat room (www.letsgetsirius.org) is frequented by dog-loving singles looking to sniff out new partners for “romps on the beach” or “quiet nights in front of the fireplace.” Read More

WASHINGTON, D.C. – President George W. Bush and Verizon Wireless are expected to announce at a joint news conference today that the president will take the place of Paul Marcarelli, the long-time advertising face of Verizon, in a new series of commercials. The company is also expected to announce that it is changing its much-parodied Read More

BEIJING – President Bush told reporters yesterday that members of congress who criticize the war in Iraq can still be patriotic. The president’s declaration came after more than a week of harsh rhetoric from some administration officials seeking to demean congressmen or women who oppose the conduct of the war. The vitriolic attacks reached their Read More

WASHINGTON, D.C. – Massachusetts Senator Ted Kennedy led the chorus of Democratic voices howling in opposition to President Bush’s nomination of Judge Samuel A. Alito Jr. to the Supreme Court. Speaking to reporters in his office yesterday afternoon, Kennedy said, “This guy (Alito) is such a political Neanderthal he drags his knuckles on the ground Read More

THE FRENCH QUARTER – Speaking from the courtyard of a sports bar in New Orleans’ historic French Quarter, President George W. Bush declared that rebuilding the hurricane ravaged city was “job one” for the American people. “This is where the fight against Nature’s terrorism begins anew,” said Bush. “If we don’t want to face the Read More

Moving swiftly to stem criticism that his response to the devastation in New Orleans has been “slow, indifferent, and sadly inadequate,” President Bush announced last night that by executive order Mardi Gras 2006 will be held in Houston’s Astrodome. Bush also announced that naming rights for the event had been purchased by Federal Express for Read More

WASHINGTON, D.C. – Shortly after arriving in Washington today, President Bush is expected to sign a presidential order intended to alleviate the suffering of hurricane victims in the battered Gulf Coast region. Standing in front of the Western White House in Crawford, Texas, in a yellow slicker and rain hat yesterday afternoon, the president announced Read More

CRAWFORD, Texas – President George W.Bush horrified a group of conservative pro-war activists at a private barbeque on his Crawford, Texas, ranch yesterday when he told The Aristocrats joke during a game of horseshoes. Widely touted as the filthiest joke in history, The Aristocrats is the subject of a recently released documentary film directed by Read More

WASHINGTON, D.C. – The Bush administration put a positive spin on Iraqi lawmakers’ failure to agree on a draft charter of a new constitution by yesterday’s midnight deadline. President Bush, Secretary of Defense Donald H. Rumsfeld, and Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice all praised Iraqi lawmakers for including a statue defining marriage as the union Read More