The Grammar Prick

WEST CHESTER, Penna. – This morning I read the following sentence on a blog: “Anyone who thinks that having a child will improve their marriage has it all wrong.” Now I ask you, fellow English speakers, did you find any grammatical spanners in the works here? No, you say. There’s nothing to see here, keep Read More

I hope you boys and girls have been wearing your masks and practicing social distancing. Remember, good masks make good neighbors,and anyone who gets within six feet of you is trying to sell you something. While you’re staying quietly in your rooms, here’s a quiz to keep you amused. C’mon, you can’t look at porn Read More

In today’s lesson, boys and girls, the Grammar Prick will attempt to teach you how not to write like an Arschloch. The best way to do that is by example. So here’s an example of “writing” so incontrovertibly bad that it wins the first leg of the Grammar Prick’s Shitty Writing Award. Before we begin with Read More

In today’s lesson, boys and girls, the Grammar Prick will attempt to teach you how not to write like an Arschloch. The best way to do that is by example. So here’s an example of “writing” so incontrovertibly bad that it wins the first leg of the Grammar Prick’s Shitty Writing Award. Before we begin with Read More

WASHINGTON, D.C.—President-elect Donald J. Trump has appointed the Grammar Prick to the newly created cabinet post of Secretary of Grammar and Usage, which will replace the moribund Department of Education. Mr. Prick is legendary for his animadversions against those who violate the rules of polite discourse, spoken or written. His work is featured exclusively on Read More

WEST GOSHEN, Pa.—Today, boys and girls, we are going to depart from our usual custom of calling out the shitwads who ignore conventional norms of usage. No brickbats for the boneheads who confuse adoptive and adopted; no crucifying the clodhoppers who don’t know that irregardless is an irregular construction; not a single drop of disdain for the dickheads who think alot is Read More

That was some strange shit that went down in Paris yesterday, wasn’t it, boys and girls? Couple of Muslim thugs and their butt boy killing all those people in the Charlie Hebdo magazine office over a few cartoons that took the piss out of the prophet Muhammad. The Grammar Prick has to confess that there have been Read More

WEST CHESTER, Pa.–While the Grammar Prick was watching a football game on television recently, an announcer declared, “Quarterbacks like Peyton Manning are a godsend.” What is wrong with that statement, boys and girls? 1) Peyton Manning, despite his success during the regular season, has a crap record in playoff games and has won just one Read More

WEST CHESTER, Penna, – Hello, boys and girls. The Grammar Prick has a treat for you today. Instead of our regular quiz designed to irritate you and to undermine your confidence in your “language arts skills,” we’re going to present our first Helmet Head® awards, which are designed to irritate “professionals” whose “language arts skills” Read More

WEST CHESTER, Penna. – While navigating the backwaters of the internet yesterday, I nearly ran aground on a website entitled The Neosecularist. What brought me up startled was this sentence: “There is some graphic descriptions of abortion procedures in this column.” Harrumph, I said to myself, and there is a graphic example of a language abortion Read More

WEST CHESTER, PA—While simultaneously watching The Hour on BBC America last night and reading Nina Burleigh’s The Fatal Gift of Beauty: The Trials of Amanda Knox, I heard one of the characters on The Hour refer to a choice between two unpleasant alternatives as a “Hobson’s choice.” “Bloody hell,” I muttered. “That’s not a Hobson’s choice. It’s a Morton’s fork. Read More