HOLLYWOOD – Charlie Sheen said in a prepared statement yesterday that he is not presently nor has he ever been a homosexual. Mr. Sheen’s denial came in response to accusations leveled at him by his estranged wife, Denise Richards, who charged that Mr. Sheen threatened to kill her, abused prescription drugs, gambled compulsively, and snorted cocaine off the pages of Barely Legal magazine.
Last Friday a Los Angeles judge ordered Mr. Sheen, 40, to keep at least three hundred feet from Ms. Richards, 35, and their daughters—Sam, 2, and Lola, 10 months.
“I’ve also got to have a voice in this,” said Mr. Sheen, “one that my children will some day realize was absolutely and entirely in their best interest. Therefore, I wish to categorically deny that I am gay.”
Mr. Sheen said his denial of being gay was part of a proactive campaign designed to keep his name from being sullied any further by “transparent and immature smear tactics.”
Thus, he continued, “I also wish to deny without reservation that I have ever been a Scientologist or a vegan and that I have ever abused animals or parked illegally in spaces reserved for the handicapped.”
Mr. Sheen warned Ms. Richards that she “had not heard the last” of these proactive denials, adding that he planned to get out in front of further accusations before they “became a part of the collective subconscious.”
In related news, Mr. Sheen denied that his new Sheen Kidz children’s clothing line was inspired by anything more than “an inherent desire to see little boys and girls looking all shiny and pretty and good enough to eat.”
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