LOS ANGELES – Sources close to the investigation of a recent break-in at Pamela Anderson’s house say Courtney Love is their chief suspect in the case. An unknown individual broke into Anderson’s house, rifled through her underwear drawer, then looted her Amana Upright Freezer.
“We were puzzled by the perp’s M.O. at first,” said the source. “What kind of fruitcake commits a felony over underwear and frozen low-carb meals for one?”
The same kind of fruitcake, apparently, who leaves a note that reads, “I’m not a lesbian, I just want to touch you and lose some weight.”
The first lead in the case came when Anderson, 37, received half a dozen pair of expensive underwear for a birthday present from “your secret admirer” early this week. As Anderson’s birthday isn’t until July 1—and as the gift underwear resembled some of the merchandise that had been stolen from her house—she became curious.
Anderson thought at first that the gift was “another one of Bam Margera’s stunts.” Last month the “Jackass” and “Viva la Bam” prankster embarrassed Jessica Simpson by telling his father he had slept with her. Margera’s father, like any proud parent, called a Philadelphia radio station to share the news.
Bam Margera was then obliged to explain that he had slept at Simpson’s house last month following a night at West Hollywood’s Roxy—but that was all he had done. His admission left many a thirteen-year-old Margera fan crestfallen.
“We fell asleep on her couch,” said Margera. “Everybody was there. It was no big deal. My old man’s generation thinks ‘sleep with’ means something totally different.”
Still thinking Margera was behind the prank gift, Anderson gave the underwear to the LAPD. If Margera’s fingerprints were on them, he’d be called in for questioning. To Anderson’s surprise Love’s fingerprints were found on the underwear instead.
“That threw me,” Anderson reportedly told police. “Those (underwear) are at least four sizes too small for Courtney. She should have broken into Kirstie Alley’s house.”
While Anderson and Love attended yesterday’s premiere of Rize, a documentary film about a new LA dance movement based on African tribal rituals, police confiscated Love’s garbage can, which had been placed outside her house for collection. Although police were tight-lipped about the object of their search, the source close to the investigation said that if any Lean Cuisine entrees were found in the trash, an arrest might be forthcoming soon.
In other news, Tom Cruise’ attempt to impress Katie Holmes’ father went awry when Cruise kissed Mr. Holmes full on the lips after the two had been introduced yesterday in Cruise’ suite at New York’s Carlyle Hotel.
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